Before I get into today’s expose’ on my silly quirks- In last week’s anti-barefoot blog I forgot to list one weird memory from almost 40 years ago. In my local newspaper’s police reports page, there was a guy who was arrested at a local park for trying to get young boys to remove their shoes so he could smell their toes! I knew of this guy but not personally and at the time he lived just two blocks from me. I even sent that news story into Larry Lujack’s Police Beat bit on WLS. Larry tried to sound serious when reading these stories but the toe sniffing tale cracked him up big time! I wonder whatever happened to that foot freak. Did be become a podiatrist? Maybe he manages at a Foot Locker store? Who knows?
On to this week’s previously scheduled blog-
We’re all individuals. Everyone has their specific tastes, likes, hates, ways we do things and ways we’d never do things. An episode of ‘Friends’ showed quirky Ross Gellar would never exit a hotel room until the very last minute before check-out time. Ross was determined to get every penny’s worth out of the room rental fee and would take home all possible items he could like towels, soap, other bath items, pens and paper, mints at the front desk, etc.
Now here are some of MY personal quirks.
I have not vomited since early February of 1991. That’s 28 and a half years and still going pukeless. I remember my last heave because it occurred when I was producing the Murphy in the Morning radio show at Q-101 and a bad flu bug hit me hard. Right before we got on the air at 5:30 a.m. I rushed to the restroom and got sick. After a few minutes of recovery and clean-up I tried to soldier on. Twenty minutes later I had to make another urgent sprint to the toilet to hurl. It was obvious I had to leave the show and go home early. It’s the only time in my radio career that I ever had to leave like that.
I always sleep with my television on. Even if I wake up in the middle of the night, I may take a wiz but when returning to bed the tube stays on. This has been my habit ever since I first got a TV in my bedroom at age 10.
Forget that I’m a 58 year old man, I never ever use a tablespoon to eat anything, . Cereal, oatmeal, soup, peas, mashed potatoes, etc. are only eaten with a teaspoon. A table spoon seems just too big and almost desperate to me.
I cannot eat breakfast at home or anywhere else AFTER I’m dressed for the day. Maybe I’m worried about spilling food on my clothes but it just can’t be done. Even when staying at hotels, if there’s a breakfast buffet to enjoy, I eat in shorts or sweats & T-shirt then go back to my room to shower and dress for the day.
When getting my hair-cut, I keep my eyes closed throughout the whole process. I’ll only open them when it’s time to check out how the near finished product looks. This stems back to when I was a kid and my father (who owned a beauty shop) would cut my hair. When my bangs got too long and dad snipped them off, some hair would drop into my eyes and face. I didn’t like that so I just took to keeping my lamps shut and have done ever since. Brittany, my regular stylist at Sport Clips must think I’m nuts but that’s o.k. I still talk and remain social during my hair-cuts.
When traveling in my car I leave my driver’s side window at least partially open. Even in the dead of a freezing winter, the heater can be blasting warm air but I still need at least an inch of open window happening. I’m not normally claustrophobic but in my car I do need that burst of open air at all times.
Cubs pitcher Jon Lester has a physical/mental block about throwing a baseball to first place. I don’t have that issue but for the life of me I can only put my shoes on starting with my right foot. I’ve tried to put on my left shoe or slipper or sock first but something stops me from completing that task.
When opening mail I use a pair of scissors and neatly clip off the edge of one short edge of an envelope and pour the contents out in my hand. Just ripping open an envelope with my hands is not going to happen.
With my wallet, my money is always arranged with the small bills (in order) in the front and facing the same way. I hate getting change in bills handed to me upside down, backwards and in willy nilly order. Also, I never use a money clip. What’s the point of a money clip if you have a wallet?
This next quirk is for convenience sake but I prefer to see all my movies during the first showing of the day. Number one, it’s cheaper but also there’s less of a crowd and fewer people rudely talking or texting during the film. Plus I like walking out of a theater to my car and still having lots of daylight happening. Woody Allen talked of this in “Crimes and Misdemeanors” saying catching movies in the daytime feels like playing hooky.
Finally there’s the issue of attraction to the opposite sex. Number one, I am NOT an “ass man”. Never have been, never will be. A woman’s rear is the last thing I even think about and our culture’s fixation with butts completely escapes me. (Blame that butt focus on Jennifer Lopez or those idiotic Kardashians, I guess) Obviously a woman’s sense of humor and intelligence are top issues for what I’m attracted to. As far as looks go, I have a penchant for women who have pronounced facial features like a defined jaw line and profile. Think of Law & Order’s Mariska Hargitay or actress Rene Russo. This attraction no doubt stems from the first women I ever knew in the ‘biblical’ sense had that kind of facial appearance.
Now the trick is to find some woman crazy enough to put up with my stupid ass quirks. Good luck with that one!
NEXT WEEK’S BLOG- 25 years ago- Remembering one of the worst weeks of my life.