Month: May 2021

Warning: For those who are squeamish around bare feet, the following blog may be disturbing.  (Lord knows it was hard for me to write)

The warm weather is here and it’s time to re-visit my barefoot phobia.  Regular readers know about my issue with naked, exposed dogs. Facebook friends are hip to my foot aversion, often posting on my page pics of ugly feet or those novelty rubber shoes that masquerade as normal looking feet in sandals. They think it’s funny, I tolerate it but don’t need to see any more of the same.

Feet are the least attractive part of the human anatomy.  I don’t care how ‘cute’ or ‘well shaped’ or ‘meticulously pedicured’ someone’s lower extremities are, they’re still not good looking.  Now that the outside temperatures are going up, everyone is out and about in their flip flops and open toed sandals, dress shoes and all the other piggie exposing footwear. 

It’s this over-exposure to bare feet that drives me nuts.   Let me put it this way.  Think of a food you don’t like to eat.  Something that others do but it’s just not something you want to chew on. Now, picture having to eat this food many times a day.  You don’t like that food but you’re getting exposed to it every time you sit down to eat.  That’s the same as me seeing so many people constantly flashing their feet throughout the summer.

I get it that when at the beach or local swimming pool like everyone else, I’m going to be seen in my Reef flip flops showing my bare dogs.  That’s fine.  But that’s the only place I want show off mine or see someone else’s exposed heels, insteps and toes.  End of story. 

Now here’s a great example of the needless over-exposure of shoe and sock free feet.  Model Christie Brinkley and her two daughters Alexa and Sailor are featured in new ads for a blue jean company.  There are several photos of them wearing the jeans with their shoes on.  Then, we get this pic, all three women sporting the jeans and posing in bare feet.  Why?  It’s beyond contrived and silly.

One disturbing trend this year is the sale of false long toenails. Toenails! Not the long acrylic fingernails that women often wear. Why the hell would someone want to glue false nails on their toes to parade around in? Are they trying to emulate predatory birds that swoop down and catch prey with their talons?   I have no words for how gross that looks.  See for yourself in these pics. 

Two summers ago, Quentin Tarantino’s “Once Upon A Time in Hollywood” was released.  As much as I enjoyed that movie, the hippie women who followed Charles Manson were constantly shown in their dirty smelly bare feet.  What a turn-off that was.  Tarantino is a renowned foot fetish guy and those grotesque toe baring scenes were proof of that.

One ally I have in my foot phobia is WGN Morning News anchor Robin Baumgarten. Robin and I could have a ‘hate-off’ of bare feet and toes and it would probably come to a tie.  The Morning News crew often notes Ms. Baumgarten’s feet fears and they’ve played a parody song I put together with my pal Al Flash.  I took the old song “Barefootin” (gross, I know) and turned it into “Baumgarten” as we addressed her disgust with naked lower extremities.  So, enjoy the tune, welcome the warm weather and for God’s sake, cover your feet!  Oh, and Quentin Tarantino, get some professional help.

NEXT BLOG- Summer’s Comin.’

It was fifty years ago, Tuesday May 18^th 1971 when the Montreal Canadiens broke my heart.  Or maybe it was the Chicago Blackhawks who did the heart breaking since they were the team that lost to Montreal in game 7 of the NHL Stanley Cup Finals at the Chicago Stadium.  Just writing these words gives me shivers.

At the time, I was ten years old and a Hawks fan since I was five. I never missed watching a road game on TV and since their home games were not on local TV, listening to Lloyd Pettit on the radio was my way to follow the club. This team had stars like Bobby Hull, Stan Mikita, Dennis Hull, Jim Pappin, defensemen Pat Stapleton and Bill White plus ace goalie Tony Esposito. (My personal hero)

The Hawks clawed their way to the best of seven Stanley Cup Finals against the Canadian dynasty that already won more Stanley Cups than any other team. They had accomplished players like soon to retire Jean Beliveau, Henri Richard, Jacques Lemaire, Yvan Courneyer and tough to beat goalie Ken Dryden. Dryden at 6’4 with a large frame and cat like reflexes seemed to come out of nowhere to lead his team to a shot at yet another championship.

My dad and I went to game 1 of this series which was at the Stadium but we watched it on a big movie screen via closed circuit at the Ritz Theater in Berwyn. Landing tickets to see the Blackhawks in person during the regular season was tough and the play-offs were an impossible ticket.  The Hawks won 2 to 1 in a second sudden death overtime. How good was Canadian goalie Ken Dryden that game?   He stopped 56 out of 58 shots on goal!

The series progressed to a 3-3 tie in games and the Stanley Cup would be decided at the Stadium on May 18^th.  I was so sure the Blackhawks would win that I missed listening to the first part of the game to attend our elementary school’s annual ice cream social early that night.  By the time I got home, my Hawks were leading Montreal 2-0 in the second period.  This was a done deal.  Not so fast Mick.   

Fourteen minutes into the second period Montreal’s Jacques Lemaire took a shot from outside the Hawk’s blue line and Tony Esposito missed what appeared to be an easy save.  It was a freak goal.   Four minutes later Henri Richard tied the game.  

Then heartbreak hit. Two and a half minutes into the third period that rat bastard Henri Richard with the puck on his stick, out maneuvered defenseman Keith Magnuson, got one on one with Esposito and beat him for his second goal of the game.  Montreal 3 Blackhawks 2. 

I listened to the rest of that third period on my trusty transistor radio in the dark of my bedroom.  Every time the Hawks were in Montreal’s end of the rink, I thought for sure they’d tie the game and bring it to sudden death overtime.  It wasn’t to be and when the third period ended, I was in shock. 

My team, my Blackhawks lost 3-2.  It was over. No Blackhawk on that team would take a victory lap around stadium ice while hoisting the silver Stanley Cup trophy above their head.  There would be no drinking champagne from that chalice in the locker room.  All the spoils of victory went to the visiting Montreal Canadiens.  Ow!

A few minutes after this loss, my shock turned to anger and I trashed my bedroom.  With tears streaming down my face, I jumped out of bed, turned on a light and tore the many Blackhawk newspaper photos off my walls. I flung Hawks trading cards all over the place, kicked over my desk chair and threw my little handheld radio against the wall as hard as I could.  Some plastic chipped off that radio but it was still working as Lloyd Pettit solemnly did the game summary. I was overwhelmed with grief.

This loss stayed with me like an unwanted houseguest that refuses to leave. My mom and I used to frequent a local restaurant where one of the waitresses had Blackhawk season tickets. I often talked hockey with her and the first time we ate there after game 7 she told us how hard the boys tried but just couldn’t pull out the win.  This was my first ever sports related heartbreak but it would not be the last. I once read how 1971 Canadian team member Yvan Courneyer talked about running into angry and dejected Hawks fans decades later.  He couldn’t believe these fans hadn’t gotten over that game 7 loss.  That’s easy for a guy on the winning team to say, harder for us fans to do.

The good news is years later the Chicago Blackhawks won Stanley Cups in 2010, 2013 and 2015. While I was thrilled at these championships, it wasn’t until the 2015 four games to two victory over the Tampa Bay Lightning that I pretty much got over that loss to Montreal.  Why then?  Because it was the first Blackhawks Stanley Cup title clinched on home ice during my years as a fan.  That win happened at the United Center since the old Stadium was torn down in 1994 but I finally felt some vindication.

The bitterness and hurt over 1971 is gone, but a scar remained; faded as it might be.  Damn you Ken Dryden, Jacques Lemaire and Henri Richard and damn you, hockey gods for letting me go through such pain at a tender age.  I learned then that things don’t always go the way you want.  And it sometimes takes nearly forever to get over those losses.

NEXT BLOG- Dealing with the season of exposed feet.

Actor Ben Affleck was in the news twice last week.  First, Ben was seen hanging out with his former fiancée Jennifer Lopez, who recently split from former baseball star/fiancée Alex Rodriguez. 

However, this second Ben Affleck story is the juicier one.   A woman named Nivine Jay posted a video saying Affleck DM’d her on Instagram after she ‘unmatched’ him on the Raya dating app.  Raya is an exclusive platform where celebrities look to hook up with attractive non-celebrities. It’s Tinder for Tinseltown.

Then we learned “Friends” star Matthew Perry was spotted on Raya trolling for a date with a lovely young woman.  How young? Well, the woman was 20 and Perry is 51.  Hey ‘Chandler Bing’, could you BE any creepier?

You might wonder what movie and music stars need to use a spot like Raya to get a romance going.  Ask Sharon Stone, Channing Tatum, John Cusack, Teri Hatcher, Elijah Wood and Zach Braff.  All of these celebrities have reportedly looked for love on Raya.

 Famous people who have everything good going for them scouting an app for dates? Weird, I know.

Getting back to Ms. Nivine’s rejection of Ben Affleck; apparently, she didn’t believe the Ben Affleck on Raya was the REAL Ben trying to hook up with her so she rejected of ‘un-matched’ him.  Then Ben posted a direct message to Nivine Jay asking, “Why did you un-match me? It’s me!”  How sad for an Oscar winning A-lister to be whining and pining because some stranger rejected his interest in her.  What line do I often quote about ‘desperation’?  “It’s the world’s worst smelling cologne.“

Thanks to Raya, everyday people can meet up and even mate up with famous stars.  But to get into Raya, you need to be INVITED to the platform by a current member of the dating app.

I doubt I’ll ever make it on the Raya Celebrity Dating App.  BUT, if I did, here are just a few of the famous lasses I’d hope were also on the platform.  Women I’d make a play for in no particular order.

KATE WALSH- I remember 53 year old Kate from the Drew Carey show and the quirky “Bad Judge” TV series, but never watched her in her biggest role, playing Dr. Addison Montgomery in “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Private Practice”.  My interest in Ms. Walsh?  First, she’s tall, attractive, great eyes and smile. More important, anytime I’ve seen her doing a guest shot on a talk show or game show, she shows a confident and fun persona. This celebrity appears to ‘get it’ and doesn’t take herself too seriously.  Add to this, Kate Walsh is a lifestyle products mogul, selling perfumes, candles and other girly items under the cute moniker “Boyfriend.”  She’s only been married once but the rub on Kate Walsh is despite being born and raised in the USA, she now lives in Australia.  That’s quite a way to go for a date but hey, I’m not adverse to taking a long distance journey.

JENNIFER GARNER- With Jennifer’s ex-husband Ben Affleck trolling Raya, why shouldn’t she do the same?  Besides starring on the TV series “Alias” and many films including the popular “13 Going on 30”, Ms. Garner, age 49, does TV pitch work for Neutrogena beauty products and Capital One Credit cards.  Add to this, she’s raising three kids co-parenting with Ben.  So, what’s MY selling point to Jennifer Garner? I’m the opposite of her ex-hubby. I’m not famous, not an alcoholic or a serial dater or a degenerate gambler.  Add to this, I’ve always fancied this hazel eyed beauty ever since she played that card tossing ‘Go fish’ scene with Leonardo DiCaprio in “Catch Me if You Can.” 

TERRI CLARK –This 52 year old Canadian born and bred country music star is one of my favorite singers in Nashville.  The twice divorced Terri has a great sense of humor, which you’ll find in songs like “Better Things to Do,” “Girls Lie Too” and the video for “You’re Easy on the Eyes.” Full disclosure: In my country radio days at US*99, I met and hung with Ms. Clark on a few occasions.  She wouldn’t remember me. I’m just another of the many radio goofs she’s met in her thirty-year music career.  However, anytime I was around Terri I’d mention how she was the best Canadian export since Molson Golden.  She always laughed at that line, so I have that going for me.

So it’s Kate, Jennifer and Terri, three potential options for me in the ‘Do you want to date a big star’ sweepstakes.  I doubt any of these women are on Raya and I’m not either.  But who knows what the future brings us?  Stay tuned.

P.S. Some of you may be thinking, “Hey Mick, what about Bill Gates’ soon to be ex-wife Melinda?  She’s going to be looking for a new man at some point. Well, something tells me Melinda’s future is going to be filled with loads of drama. I’ll take a cautious and polite pass.

NEXT BLOG:  The Canadiens broke my heart.

This Sunday is Mother’s Day and my nearest and dearest has been gone for almost twelve years.  Dorie Kahler was a wonderful mother and we were very close.  While I always miss my mom, I have a ridiculous amount of great memories of her or as I call them “Momeries” that keep me company. I think of them not just on Mother’s Day but throughout the year.  Here are just a few warm remembrances.

Mom interrupting Wiffle ball games friends and I had in our backyard for good reason.  She’d have us boys sample her latest makings of homemade jelly.  (Plum, Strawberry, Blackberry, you name it, she made it) A large plate would be passed around with the freshly made jelly smeared over hot buttered rolls.  She made plenty and we kept a downstairs pantry well stocked with those sweet eats. I don’t recall eating store bought jelly until I went away to college.

Dorie Kahler also canned peppers, relishes and incredible tomato sauces.  Cooking was mom’s passion and she was great at it. Anytime I went to a ‘bring a dish’ party, mom would whip up some tasty treat for me to take and her food contribution was always the one that party guests would be asking and even begging for the recipe.

In college I hosted Fourth of July parties in our backyard and mom made giant vats of chili that I didn’t think anyone would get that into.  Two years in a row the chili vats along with large side bowls of onions and cheese would be gobbled up til there was nothing left. We also drained a couple kegs of beer.  One of those bashes had mom coming home late from work at Good Samaritan Hospital to find a guest throwing up on our front porch.  I was sent to clean up that mess.

Dorie Kahler was a dedicated Little League baseball and hockey mom decades before those terms became part of our everyday vernacular.  From age 8 to 18 I could count on one hand the number of my games she missed and still have a finger or two left.  

Mine was one of the ‘Cool Moms.’  The parent who took a Chevy Caprice full of neighborhood kids to Honey Hill or Phil’s beach at Bangs Lake in Wauconda, Cub games at Wrigley Field, the batting cages in Maywood and movies at Yorktown Cinemas.  She loved seeing me and my pals having fun at all these places and was always ready for the next adventure. 

In high school, my parents let me host closely monitored beer drinking poker games and a really big yearbook holiday party just before Christmas of senior year.  These days such gatherings would get adults in big trouble but it was a different time and nobody ever got hurt.  Although there WAS the Easter Eve when some unknown poker playing guest stole our holiday ham from the kitchen fridge.  Mom and dad laughed it off the next morning and we celebrated that Easter at Stein’s Deli in Lyons.      

Dorie Kahler was into politics both national and local. In 1973 she ran for Elmhurst City Council and trounced her incumbent opponent by a huge margin.  She was a conscious voice for those with little power or influence but four years of those uphill battles was enough for her.  She turned down the chance to do another term but helped get other good people elected as aldermen.

It wasn’t all fun and games with my mother.  There was her dedicated love and concern for others in bad situations.  When my sister Marianne’s first husband Gary was stricken with terminal brain cancer, mom took weeks off from work to stay with Marianne and her ill mate in Sycamore to support them through such an awful time.

My parents divorced in 1986 and strange as it seems, they became closer with each other after the split.  This was most evident when my father Ken Kahler had his own life ending battle with cancer in 1993.  He stayed with us as our living room (complete with hospital bed and oxygen tank) became a peaceful hospice.  Mom was with dad to the very end, cooking what he could eat, reading Bible verses and doing anything to make his last weeks and days as comfortable as possible. 

Dad’s death early on a Sunday morning in August broke our hearts.  We all knew his passing was inevitable but mom was devastated.  She took comfort in knowing someday in years to come she’d be reunited with dad and reminded us of the same.

I hate to end this blog on such a sad note so I’ll share one more momory.  One summer when I was around ten our family went to a drive-in movie in Addison.  Mom volunteered to get us popcorn and soft drinks. She came back with all that and a large picnic cooler.  How’d that happen? While at the snack stand, Dorie Kahler took part in a contest where you had to roll a frozen hunk of ice up and down your arms and legs and the first person to melt it all the way down would win the cooler.  That was my mom; game for anything and bringing a smile to all who knew her.

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

NEXT BLOG- So who wants to date a celebrity?