Most people who know me or have read my blogs are aware of how gross I find bare feet. From the back heel of one’s two lower extremities to the tips of even the most neatly trimmed and slickly painted toenails, feet are God’s poorest creation. Even so called ‘nice looking feet’ are not something I want to see. Veins, bony insteps, crooked or stubby toes that look like mini-cocktail weenie sausages turn my stomach. I don’t even want to get in to how smelly they can be when wedged into leather shoes for a good part of the day.
I think my foot phobia is rooted in the constant over-exposure of bare feet I’ve witnessed for decades. I used to read People magazine every single week and over the years I noticed most celebrity profiles would include a gratuitous photo or two of the star in bare feet; the purpose being they have that ‘at home’ look. I recall one particular shot of Harrison Ford wearing blue jeans and a dress shirt but he failed to put on shoes. Why the bare feet Harrison? What the hell? These rich folks can’t afford a $150 pair of Nikes or even a $6 pair of socks? Folks, it’s a modern era, why does everyone want to walk around like they’re the Goddamn Flintstones?
More over-exposure comes from folks (mostly women) who feel the need to wear toe bearing flip flops up to the time the first snowfall of the season happens. And in March when the air temperature climbs to just over thirty degrees these same women are breaking out those flip flops in anticipation and hopes of an early spring.
Then there are the ridiculous selfies people take when lying out on a lounge chair showing off their bare tootsies in the foreground with a swimming pool or lake in the background. We get it! You’re relaxing in warm weather. This constant display of bare dogs just bred itself into disdain for me and disdain became disgust.
Speaking of disgust, back in my WLS radio days I remember when a corporate boss named Norm Schrutt came to the station for a visit. He was about to take control of the whole operation and in the first hour of being in our offices Schrutt was parading around in his suit but also bare feet! I don’t know what happened to the guy’s shoes or socks but I found that behavior to be weird and yes, gross.
In my country radio days I got to hang out with the lovely Deana “Strawberry Wine” Carter a couple of times. She was a friendly and sweet woman with loads of talent. However, for years when Deana performed live in concert she did so in bare feet. Come on Deana, what was wrong with sporting a nice pair of cowgirl boots? The good news is I saw a recent TV appearance pic of Deana and she was wearing shoes. Amen!
Writer-Director Quentin Tarantino is a well known foot fetish person. He’s talked about this in interviews and has displayed his fixation in movies like “Pulp Fiction” when John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson are talking about the intimacy of foot massages. More recently, in Tarantino’s new movie “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” many of the Manson following hippie chicks are seen lounging around their filthy commune in equally filthy bare feet. Brad Pitt picks up a hitchhiking girl who climbs in, peels off her sandals and props her dirty toes on the car dashboard. She then presses those dirty feet against the car’s windshield. Why Pitt didn’t throw her out at that point is beyond me.
I’ve also never understood the women’s fashion of the so called ‘peep toed’ shoes. When I see a woman wearing those styles it looks like they’ve outgrown their footwear and a rebel elongated toe or two has pushed through the leather tip of the shoe. Women might think those kicks with a hole in them are cute but to me they look low rent and lame.
I hate to harp on just women; at least they TRY to make their dogs look good with pedicures and other treatments. Men on the other hand can often be cited for neglecting to give their toenails even an occasional trimming. Last year I was at a health test screening event and sitting in the waiting area we were required to take off our shoes and socks. I did this and then noticed the man next to me was sporting long thick yellowed toenails. Quickly I turned my head away as if I just saw a dead body. The guy’s big toenails looked like large sized Frito’s corn chips. Avoiding throwing up on the spot was an attainable goal, but just barely.
One fellow barefoot phobic person is WGN Morning News co-anchor Robin Baumgarten. She’s made this clear during countless stories and on camera discussions. I remember a show segment where they featured a guy who prepared sandwiches with his bare feet. He used his curled up toes to pile up bread, meat, pickles and mayo. When the sandwich was complete a show staffer grabbed it and took a bite. Robin was about to wretch as was I. Another time, Around Town reporter Ana Belaval was doing a live shot from a hot yoga studio with men and women in a sweaty room doing moves on their mats while in their bare feet. Just before Robin said it out loud I thought, “Ew gross, lots of bare feet in there!” Great minds think alike right?
My song parody pal Al Flash and I even came up with a Robin foot phobia parody to the old song “Bare Footin’.” Check it out here.
All this talk and sharing of video and photos of feet is making me queasy,.I think it’s time I go lie down, and I’ll keep my feet under the covers.
NEXT WEEK’S BLOG– My foot phobia isn’t the only chink in my personal armor. I’ll share a few more of my quirks, but they won’t be gross like this posting was.