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I see that singer-songwriter Marc Cohn is coming to play Space in Evanston on November 12^th and Chicago’s City Winery on November 13^th.  Just another couple of concert stops for the guy who brought us the hit song “Walking in Memphis” but I have a fun story to share about Marc that goes back almost 30 years.

Back in 1991 I was producing the Murphy in the Morning Show on Q-101 and we had Marc Cohn booked to be with us the morning after his concert at the Park West.  “Walking in Memphis” was still on the Q-101 playlist but Murphy was concerned the guy might be kind of low key and not so entertaining on the air with us.  I went to see Cohn’s concert and could tell pretty quickly Murf’s worries were for naught.

In between songs, Cohn was engaging his fans with dry clever banter.  At one point he told the crowd this was his first time ever in Chicago. Then he said when arriving for the sound check that afternoon someone handed him one of those pink message notes titled “While you were away.”  After a pause, the fans  cracked up at the irony. 

Anyway, the message Marc Cohn got was a request from a man to dedicate a specific song to the guy’s girlfriend.  Cohn mentioned the woman’s name saying the next song was for her from her man.  Then he launched into the ballad “True Companion” which is a tailor made wedding proposal song.  As the melody started up, a young couple sitting right in front of me locked into a tight embrace with the woman nodding her head ‘yes’ and crying tears of joy.  She had just been proposed to with an assist from Marc Cohn! It was a really cool moment.    

After the concert I rounded up the couple and explained Marc would be on our show in the morning. I made arrangements to call their apartment when Cohn was on with us. We had a keyboard set up in the studio for the singer’s visit and after re-telling the proposal story at the Park West, he sang “True Companion” to the newly engaged couple live on the air. The bit went off really well.  It’s fun when circumstances fall together so seamlessly. I sometimes wonder if that happily betrothed couple is still married. I hope they still are each other’s ‘true companions.’

During his time on the show Marc Cohn seemed to as we imagined, a serious musician. Yet he surprisingly agreed to Murf’s request to twist up the chorus of “Walking in Memphis” and sing it on the air like this, “Listening to Murphy, listening and trying to win me some cash, listening to Murphy, but boy do I think that guy’s an ass.  He’s an ass.”

This is just one of many quaint little stories I experienced during my almost twenty years in Chicago radio.  A little fun and irony became a well crafted segment on the air. I’ll always remember the piano playing Cohn for being so appeasing to that young couple and such a good sport with us.    

Sadly, the loving you forever sentiment of “True Companion” didn’t pan out so well for Marc Cohn.  After having two sons with the woman he wrote that song for, there was a divorce. A couple years later he married ABC Network news anchor Elizabeth Vargas. Together they had two sons but ended their marriage in 2014 after Elizabeth’s third stint in rehab for alcoholism.  Besides his marital ups and downs, in August of 2005 while on tour in Denver,   Marc Cohn was shot in the head during an attempted carjacking. The bullet barely missed his eye and lodged near his skull.  Cohn was hospitalized for observation but released in less than a day.  The shooter was caught, convicted and sentenced to 36 years in prison.  Marc Cohn kept his wit throughout this ordeal saying doctors told him he was “The luckiest unlucky guy they had met in a long time.”

Take a listen to this classic wedding song from Marc Cohn.

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG: Reviews of 2 films, a song and a book.

It happens every year, is about to happen again and it’s not something I like.  I’m talking about late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel’s annual airing of video clips of parents telling their children they ate all the kids’ Halloween candy. This year Kimmel’s show aired a rerun the day after Halloween but once again he asked parents to send in videos of them pulling this scam on their youngsters.

Thanks to the immediacy of social media, these videos are easily processed and this week we’ll be seeing more sad little faces in this stupid bit. The pranked kids, anywhere between the ages of 3 and 10, react as you would expect.  When learning their candy stash is gone they show puzzlement, shock and then the sadness kicks in. Next up we see showers of tears among audible cries of “No!  Why?  Waaaa!”

Yeah, Kimmel, that’s REAL comedy there pal.  Ugh.  Now let’s get one thing straight, I am a comedy fan. I’m far from humorless.  Just take a look at most of my Facebook posts and this blog’s website too.  Back in my in school days I was a wisecracking class clown and during my radio career I made my bones being a clever quipster, wacky thinker and occasional smart-ass. 

Needless to say, I dig funny.  However, telling children the candy they Trick or Treated for all day and night has been eaten by their parents is NOT funny.  It’s cruel and it pisses me off knowing there are idiots out there who take sick pleasure in this bit.  As much as I’m a fan of and occasional contributor to the WGN Morning News show, it’s disappointing that they replay highlights of Kimmel’s annual kids prank and they too laugh at it.  Larry Potash and Robin Baumgarten, you’re better than that.

Young children are rightly brought up to trust their parents above everyone else.  Mom and dad or mom and mom or dad and dad are the guiding lights to their kids and to see parents take that light and turn it into an offensive laser beam of hurt blows my mind.  I know the ruse is a temporary one but why would anyone want to inflict this kind of pain on their own youngsters?  Kids will grow up to many disappointments and letdowns in their life and getting this faked out ‘the candy is gone’ shtick is totally unnecessary.

What amazes me further is a couple years ago Jimmy Kimmel’s wife gave birth to a son with a rare and serious congenital heart defect.   During this tough time Kimmel choked back tears on his show while talking openly about what his newborn baby named William ‘Billy’ John  was going through. There was eventually the good news that at three days of age baby Billy underwent successful surgery to correct the problem and all is well now.

So Jimmy Kimmel had a son with a serious heart problem and yet he’s encouraging parents to share videos as they break their kids’ hearts with news that their Halloween candy was gone and not to come back.  I just don’t get the logic.  I wish Kimmel would wise up and drop this annual scamming bit.  Comedy is a subjective art and everyone likes and laughs at different things. For me, the Halloween ‘candy is gone’ scam belongs in the trash along with old rotting pumpkins.

NEXT WEEK’s BLOG– A fun concert memory.

On Facebook you often see people post up a survey checklist where you’re asked to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to specific questions about your life experiences.  The questions ask things like have you ever: Fired a gun, Ridden in an ambulance, Gotten a tattoo, Visited a foreign country, Sung Karaoke, Been scuba diving, etc. 

I guess these informal queries are a check to see what kind of life you’ve lived so far.  With all this said, I thought I’d pose some of my own questions.  So feel free to take my poll,.answer yes or no, and no cheating off your neighbor’s paper.

HAVE YOU EVER:

EATEN A WHOLE SLEEVE OF OREO COOKIES IN ONE SITTING?

DRIVEN DRUNK?

SNEAKED INTO ANOTHER MOVIE AFTER SEEING YOUR FILM AT THE CINEMA?

GIVEN THE FINGER TO ANOTHER DRIVER?

STOLEN SILVERWARE FROM A RESTAURANT?

PEED IN A PUBLIC SWIMMING POOL?

DONE THE WALK OF SHAME?

TALKED YOUR WAY OUT OF A TRAFFIC TICKET?

USED THE ACCOUNTS AND DESCRIPTIONS OF A TELEVISED GAME WITHOUT THE EXPRESSED WRITTEN CONSENT OF A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL CLUB?

NOT TIPPED A SERVER?

CRASHED A WEDDING?

HAD AN INTER-OFFICE ROMANCE?

SHAVED OR TRIMMED YOUR ‘FUN ZONE’?

WISHED SOMEONE WHO YOU KNOW DEAD?

HAD A POOP ACCIDENT IN YOUR PANTS AFTER CHILDHOOD?

CHEATED ON A SCHOOL QUIZ, TEST OR EXAM?

LOOKED AT PORN ONLINE?

RE-GIFTED A PRESENT THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU?

EATEN SOMEONE ELSE’S FOOD FROM THE WORKPLACE FRIDGE?

SWAM NAKED?

KEYED SOMEONE’S CAR?

QUIETLY FARTED IN A CROWDED ELEVATOR?

PAID FOR A LAP DANCE? (MALE, FEMALE, YOUR CHOICE)

AS AN ADULT, CRIED OVER YOUR SPORTS TEAM LOSING A GAME?

WATCHED AN ENTIRE EPISODE OF ‘KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS?’

FULL DISCLOSURE– I can answer “YES” to 20 of these 25 items. Which 20 I’ve done goes with me to the grave.  Sorry.

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG- A Halloween tradition I say ‘Boooo’ to.

“Old days, good times I remember, fun days, filled with simple pleasures.” (Chicago)

My 40^th high school reunion took place October 11^th and 12^th. I wanted to take a few days to gather my thoughts on what was a fantastic weekend hanging with my fellow Class of 79 pals.  

First off, the entire reunion committee did an amazing job in getting the word out on the weekend’s events. For several months they planned this deal down to the smallest detail. Countless e-mails, phone calls, social media postings, in person meetings and more helped set the foundation for all Class of ’79 grads to feel welcome and enjoy meeting up with old friends from way way back.  Those committee folks were incredible!

The attending alumni are 58 years old now and this reunion was like a time machine peep show that showed the physical transformations we’ve all gone through.  Some of my peers barely changed at all!  Most of those who look young as ever were women but there were a few guys who appeared to be barely 25 years old. Either these folks have great genes and took damn good care of themselves or they pulled a Dorian Gray and traded their souls for youthful looks.  (I’d bet on the former and not the latter on that one) 

Me?  Yeah I’m much fatter than my younger days but have no facial wrinkles and retained about 70% of my hair, albeit gray, but it’s still there. I can still lose weight but spouting new locks only happens in fantasies and the offices of hair transplant doctor’s offices.

Away from the superficial minutia, the two days of meeting, eating, drinking and laughs (lots of laughs) were a reminder of how lucky we were to know each other at York and often times for years before arriving to the home of the Dukes. Some of the friends there I’ve known since kindergarten and there was a great bond between many of us men who played in Elmhurst’s Little League Baseball program.  We all remembered what teams everyone else played on and those memories go back half a century!  Several former ballplayers remembered my pitching to be much better than it really was. So what’s wrong with the hands of time re-shaping history a bit, right?

Moving forty years past high school, all of us hit various milestones.  Marriages, divorces, kids, grandkids, knee and hip replacements and the passing of spouses were all covered.  Some alumni made changes in careers and appeared to be happy with their new paths taken.  I can tell you firsthand that it’s a blessing to have a ‘second act’ in life and who knows, maybe some of us have a third act to try as well.

On Saturday night, the most touching scene to take in was the photo display of classmates who’ve passed away.  After a requested moment of silence, classmate Father John Balluff read each deceased person’s name. There were gasps and stunned faces when the crowd heard of former peers who are no longer with us.  Father Balluff then offered a prayer for those departed and to those of us still here.  We’re all getting older and this was a sobering reminder.

Throughout the weekend I smiled when seeing all the warm embraces everyone was giving each other.  Of course the women are more open with their ‘happy to see you’ hugs and kisses, but we men were doing plenty of hugging it out too with each other. We’re talking about big bold bear hugs between men because after going through forty years of post high school life, simple firm handshakes or fist bumps just don’t seem to be enough.   

The best phrase I can come up with for this reunion weekend would be “Joyous Contentment.”  So many of the attending alumni glowed with remembering the days of high school and sharing with each other what’s gone on in their lives since graduation in June of 1979. There was plenty to cover!

It’s easy to equate our existence to the four seasons of each year. There are bright warm sunny days, rough dark storms and winters to endure and lots of adventures & misadventures throughout it.  What happens in the next ten years is anyone’s guess, but no matter what, those of us who are lucky enough to still be around will once again gather and laugh & remember the days we shared together in high school and beyond.

Until then I’ll wish my fellow former classmates the Irish word for ‘health’, Slainte!   

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG: Have You Ever?– A Checklist of Lifetime Achievements.

There was a time, three or four decades ago when tattoos were considered a sign of rebellion and bold individuality.  The rarity of those with tats made it a big deal when someone got inked.  Cutting to the chase, nowadays tattoos are as common as Starbucks shops and Mattress stores. 

Truth be told, with so many men and women from age 17 to 77 getting tattoos, the real rebels are people like me who remain tat free.  Everyone else is a follower and tattoo art may be individualistic, the bottom line is an ink wearer’s rebellion and showing how cool they are falls short.

FULL DISCLOSURE: My niece Dei has several tattoos. While I would never get a tattoo myself, Dei’s inked skin does not make me love her any less.  She’s always dear in my heart and mind and always will be!

So last week on Facebook I caught some flak for noting how a woman’s tattoo on her breast can in time not age so well.  My comment was “Today’s blooming rose on a young women’s breast is tomorrow’s wilted wed on an old lady’s stomach.” 

I was actually cited for shaming women. The issue a couple of Facebook acquaintances had being that I did not make any observations about men with tattoos that don’t age well.   I answer that by saying I could not care less what ink men get injected into their skin.  While not being a creepy stalker I openly admit to paying more attention to the looks of women than men.  This has nothing to do with homophobia. I fully support all men and women who prefer same sex lovers and relationships. It’s just that I prefer observing women over men.  So get over that!

 Now on this ‘shaming’ accusation; I wasn’t shaming women.  I just voiced my opinion.  My opinion being that the female body is a thing of beauty and putting tattoos on it is akin to slapping a bumper sticker on a Ferrari.  We still live in a free country and are allowed to state our beliefs.  Just because my taste or opinion on a matter is in disagreement with how others feel does NOT make me a shamer!  

This hyper-sensitivity people have on so many issues is really becoming a divisive problem in our culture. Social media is the wind that fans those misguided fires.  Today there appears to only be ‘lovers’ or ‘haters’ on topics and that kind of black and white thinking scares me.  We are at a point where if someone posts on social media how they “Didn’t like the new Taylor Swift song” there’s going to be a throng of backlash calling that person a ‘basher’, ‘hater’ or ‘shamer.’  Really? Are we that touchy?  And yes, Taylor Swift, I put a small bit of this touchiness blame on you.  “Haters are gonna hate”,.right?  Jeesh.  For the record, I’m an admirer of Taylor’s song “Lover” and 2016’s “Better Man”, the song she wrote for Little Big Town may be her best work ever.

Years ago when many people fawned over the hilarity of the TV series “The Office”  I came up with a kinder way of being critical of it without getting nailed as a hater. Regarding “The Office” I said, “It’s not for me.” Using this phrase doesn’t mean I hate something or rue the day someone watched “The Office”or got a tattoo or anything that extreme.  Lighten up folks. So when the subject of tattoos comes up I can simply reply, “It’s not for me.”    

And just to show how I can end this tattoo issue with a smile and whimsical statement, here’s an old song from The Who that we can all enjoy.

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG– Reflecting on my 40th high school reunion.

We all endure the losses of family members. My saddest times were in 1993 when my father died at the way too young age of 58, in 2009 when my mom suddenly passed from a heart attack and in 2014 when my sister Marianne succumbed after a long battle with an auto-immune disease of which there was no cure.  Those were the worst of times for me for sure.

However, there was a week in 1994 that affected me nearly as much as the death of my family members. It began on Monday October 10^th when I learned my longtime friend Lee Swanson was in the hospital with a recurrence of cancer he’d beaten in 1982.  This time cancer won and Lee left us the very next day.  I was able to visit him that Monday for about ten minutes and in a dreamy semi-conscious state Lee knew I was there for him.  I later learned I was the last person to talk to him before he slipped into a final coma.

Long story short Lee Swanson was a mentor and friend to me since 1981.  He was a fellow media junkie, local music businessman and a pre-Google era search engine. Anything I wanted or needed to know about writing, radio, music or DJ-ing dances was provided by him. His wisdom and guidance as I pursued a career in professional radio was invaluable.  I often said Lee was Yoda to my Luke Skywalker and there is no way I would’ve ended up producing the Larry Lujack WLS morning radio show at age twenty-four without his help.  He was also the older brother I never had.  And now for the first time in over thirteen years I was without my touchstone, Luke had lost Yoda. I was beside myself with hurt and grief.

At the time of Lee’s passing I was producing the JD & The Katman Morning Show at WUSN FM, known as US*99.  I knew JD & John ‘Katman’ Katzback for a few years before landing at their station. Since June of 1993 when I started there, John and I formed a tight creative bond doing show bits and having lots of fun on and off the air.  We had common sensibilities and cracked each other up constantly. Morning host JD Spangler used to say John and I were each other’s best audience. He was right!

On the same day of Lee Swanson’s death I gutted it out and attended a big radio station event that evening. I knew Lee would have wanted me to be there. We were celebrating the 5^th anniversary of the JD & Katman show with a concert and party at Chicago’s Whiskey River country music bar.  Listeners had to win tickets to this private show that starred Joe Diffie who was all over the country music charts at the time.  When I arrived that night, John Katzback was the first one to greet me, offering his condolences on losing my dear friend Lee. It was John’s night to have fun and celebrate and he’s consoling my hurt.  What a guy and what a great night that was! 

However, on October 12^th the afternoon after the hugely successful 5^th Anniversary bash, I got a call at home from my Program Director Dean Mc Neil. Dean informed me John Katzback had been stricken at home with a suspected brain aneurism and things looked bleak!  I was beyond stunned. Just the night before John’s health crisis we were having a blast at the Diffie show and a couple hours before McNeil’s call we wrapped up another solid morning show; now this?  It happened but it was crazy and felt like a bad dream that turned out real.

While The Katman was being treated at a suburban hospital, I attended Lee Swanson’s wake and the next day his funeral.  A couple days later came the call that John Katzback had passed away.  John was an organ donor so several living people benefitted from his generosity; but we were without our co-worker and friend.  All of the US*99 employees and thousands of listeners were left speechless over his death.  The guy was only twenty nine, leaving behind his wife Leslie and a six month old baby boy named Max.  I’d never seen such a cruel twist of fate and burden thrown at a new mother and her infant son.

I’ll always first think of others who were so hurt by Lee’s and John’s passing. But still, in less than a week I dealt with the one two punch of losing one of my best friends in Lee Swanson and then a ‘brother in sound’ in John Katman Katzback. During this wickedly difficult time, I kept my faith in a greater being but I wasn’t sure if I could trust the cosmic powers that be.  This was a devastating situation and I was lost, kind of like a rudderless boat, adrift and unsure where I was going.

So how does one get through such a crazy double dose of death? My solution was to become an ultra-social animal. I began dating three different women at the same time (one of whom I met at Lee’s wake) and also hung out with a couple of others, Dana and Sonja who were pals from my past.  My theory was ‘There’s strength in numbers and they can’t ALL die on me!’  I also huddled with my two oldest friends Bobbo and Marko who were great sources of support and kindness. My mother and sister were also there for me too. 

Throughout this new social whirl I remained numb with the hurt of Lee and Katman’s deaths just below my skin.  I kept wondering ‘Why them?’  Also ‘Why am I saddled with this double tap of loss?’  This sucks!

I ended that dating frenzy in early 1995 but it wasn’t until the spring of that year when I realized I had not yet processed losing Lee and The Katman.  I was too busy trying to avoid thinking about that grief.  It took me about four months after that to sort out my head and my heart.  This taught me a lesson to not put off dealing with the issues of loss.

So we’re twenty-five years past a truly awful week that I somehow got through. Some day things will come full circle and I’ll see Lee and John again. In spite of that difficult time in 1994, I know how lucky and blessed I am to have known them.  Special guys like Lee and John don’t come around every day and I miss them very much.

Here’s to better days and weeks for all of us.

Next Week’s Blog- A STINK MADE OVER BODY INK.

Before I get into today’s expose’ on my silly quirks- In last week’s anti-barefoot blog I forgot to list one weird memory from almost 40 years ago.  In my local newspaper’s police reports page, there was a guy who was arrested at a local park for trying to get young boys to remove their shoes so he could smell their toes!  I knew of this guy but not personally and at the time he lived just two blocks from me.  I even sent that news story into Larry Lujack’s Police Beat bit on WLS.  Larry tried to sound serious when reading these stories but the toe sniffing tale cracked him up big time!  I wonder whatever happened to that foot freak.  Did be become a podiatrist?  Maybe he manages at a Foot Locker store? Who knows? 

On to this week’s previously scheduled blog-

We’re all individuals.  Everyone has their specific tastes, likes, hates, ways we do things and ways we’d never do things.  An episode of ‘Friends’ showed quirky Ross Gellar would never exit a hotel room until the very last minute before check-out time. Ross was determined to get every penny’s worth out of the room rental fee and would take home all possible items he could like towels, soap, other bath items, pens and paper, mints at the front desk, etc. 

Now here are some of MY personal quirks.

 I have not vomited since early February of 1991.  That’s 28 and a half years and still going pukeless. I remember my last heave because it occurred when I was producing the Murphy in the Morning radio show at Q-101 and a bad flu bug hit me hard.  Right before we got on the air at 5:30 a.m. I rushed to the restroom and got sick. After a few minutes of recovery and clean-up I tried to soldier on.  Twenty minutes later I had to make another urgent sprint to the toilet to hurl. It was obvious I had to leave the show and go home early.  It’s the only time in my radio career that I ever had to leave like that.

I always sleep with my television on.  Even if I wake up in the middle of the night, I may take a wiz but when returning to bed the tube stays on.  This has been my habit ever since I first got a TV in my bedroom at age 10.

Forget that I’m a 58 year old man, I never ever use a tablespoon to eat anything, . Cereal, oatmeal, soup, peas, mashed potatoes, etc. are only eaten with a teaspoon. A table spoon seems just too big and almost desperate to me.

I cannot eat breakfast at home or anywhere else AFTER I’m dressed for the day.  Maybe I’m worried about spilling food on my clothes but it just can’t be done.  Even when staying at hotels, if there’s a breakfast buffet to enjoy, I eat in shorts or sweats & T-shirt then go back to my room to shower and dress for the day.

When getting my hair-cut, I keep my eyes closed throughout the whole process. I’ll only open them when it’s time to check out how the near finished product looks.  This stems back to when I was a kid and my father (who owned a beauty shop) would cut my hair.  When my bangs got too long and dad snipped them off, some hair would drop into my eyes and face. I didn’t like that so I just took to keeping my lamps shut and have done ever since.  Brittany, my regular stylist at Sport Clips must think I’m nuts but that’s o.k.  I still talk and remain social during my hair-cuts.

When traveling in my car I leave my driver’s side window at least partially open.  Even in the dead of a freezing winter, the heater can be blasting warm air but I still need at least an inch of open window happening.  I’m not normally claustrophobic but in my car I do need that burst of open air at all times.

Cubs pitcher Jon Lester has a physical/mental block about throwing a baseball to first place.  I don’t have that issue but for the life of me I can only put my shoes on starting with my right foot. I’ve tried to put on my left shoe or slipper or sock first but something stops me from completing that task. 

When opening mail I use a pair of scissors and neatly clip off the edge of one short edge of an envelope and pour the contents out in my hand.  Just ripping open an envelope with my hands is not going to happen.

With my wallet, my money is always arranged with the small bills (in order) in the front and facing the same way.  I hate getting change in bills handed to me upside down, backwards and in willy nilly order. Also, I never use a money clip.  What’s the point of a money clip if you have a wallet?

This next quirk is for convenience sake but I prefer to see all my movies during the first showing of the day. Number one, it’s cheaper but also there’s less of a crowd and fewer people rudely talking or texting during the film.  Plus I like walking out of a theater to my car and still having lots of daylight happening. Woody Allen talked of this in “Crimes and Misdemeanors” saying catching movies in the daytime feels like playing hooky.

Finally there’s the issue of attraction to the opposite sex. Number one, I am NOT an “ass man”.  Never have been, never will be. A woman’s rear is the last thing I even think about and our culture’s fixation with butts completely escapes me. (Blame that butt focus on Jennifer Lopez or those idiotic Kardashians, I guess) Obviously a woman’s sense of humor and intelligence are top issues for what I’m attracted to. As far as looks go, I have a penchant for women who have pronounced facial features like a defined jaw line and profile.  Think of Law & Order’s Mariska Hargitay or actress Rene Russo.  This attraction no doubt stems from the first women I ever knew in the ‘biblical’ sense had that kind of facial appearance. 

Now the trick is to find some woman crazy enough to put up with my stupid ass quirks.  Good luck with that one! 

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG- 25 years ago- Remembering one of the worst weeks of my life.

Most people who know me or have read my blogs are aware of how gross I find bare feet.  From the back heel of one’s two lower extremities to the tips of even the most neatly trimmed and slickly painted toenails, feet are God’s poorest creation.  Even so called ‘nice looking feet’ are not something I want to see. Veins, bony insteps, crooked or stubby toes that look like mini-cocktail weenie sausages turn my stomach.  I don’t even want to get in to how smelly they can be when wedged into leather shoes for a good part of the day. 

I think my foot phobia is rooted in the constant over-exposure of bare feet I’ve witnessed for decades.  I used to read People magazine every single week and over the years I noticed most celebrity profiles would include a gratuitous photo or two of the star in bare feet; the purpose being they have that ‘at home’ look.  I recall one particular shot of Harrison Ford wearing blue jeans and a dress shirt but he failed to put on shoes. Why the bare feet Harrison?  What the hell? These rich folks can’t afford a $150 pair of Nikes or even a $6 pair of socks? Folks, it’s a modern era, why does everyone want to walk around like they’re the Goddamn Flintstones?

More over-exposure comes from folks (mostly women) who feel the need to wear toe bearing flip flops up to the time the first snowfall of the season happens. And in March when the air temperature climbs to just over thirty degrees these same women are breaking out those flip flops in anticipation and hopes of an early spring.

Then there are the ridiculous selfies people take when lying out on a lounge chair showing off their bare tootsies in the foreground with a swimming pool or lake in the background.  We get it! You’re relaxing in warm weather. This constant display of bare dogs just bred itself into disdain for me and disdain became disgust. 

Speaking of disgust, back in my WLS radio days I remember when a corporate boss named Norm Schrutt came to the station for a visit. He was about to take control of the whole operation and in the first hour of being in our offices Schrutt was parading around in his suit but also bare feet!  I don’t know what happened to the guy’s shoes or socks but I found that behavior to be weird and yes, gross.

In my country radio days I got to hang out with the lovely Deana “Strawberry Wine” Carter a couple of times. She was a friendly and sweet woman with loads of talent.  However, for years when Deana performed live in concert she did so in bare feet.  Come on Deana, what was wrong with sporting a nice pair of cowgirl boots?  The good news is I saw a recent TV appearance pic of Deana and she was wearing shoes.  Amen!

Writer-Director Quentin Tarantino is a well known foot fetish person. He’s talked about this in interviews and has displayed his fixation in movies like “Pulp Fiction” when John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson are talking about the intimacy of foot massages. More recently, in Tarantino’s new movie “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” many of the Manson following hippie chicks are seen lounging around their filthy commune in equally filthy bare feet. Brad Pitt picks up a hitchhiking girl who climbs in, peels off her sandals and props her dirty toes on the car dashboard. She then presses those dirty feet against the car’s windshield.  Why Pitt didn’t throw her out at that point is beyond me.

I’ve also never understood the women’s fashion of the so called ‘peep toed’ shoes.  When I see a woman wearing those styles it looks like they’ve outgrown their footwear and a rebel elongated toe or two has pushed through the leather tip of the shoe.  Women might think those kicks with a hole in them are cute but to me they look low rent and lame.

I hate to harp on just women; at least they TRY to make their dogs look good with pedicures and other treatments.  Men on the other hand can often be cited for neglecting to give their toenails even an occasional trimming.  Last year I was at a health test screening event and sitting in the waiting area we were required to take off our shoes and socks.  I did this and then noticed the man next to me was sporting long thick yellowed toenails.  Quickly I turned my head away as if I just saw a dead body. The guy’s big toenails looked like large sized Frito’s corn chips.  Avoiding throwing up on the spot was an attainable goal, but just barely.

One fellow barefoot phobic person is WGN Morning News co-anchor Robin Baumgarten. She’s made this clear during countless stories and on camera discussions.  I remember a show segment where they featured a guy who prepared sandwiches with his bare feet. He used his curled up toes to pile up bread, meat, pickles and mayo. When the sandwich was complete a show staffer grabbed it and took a bite. Robin was about to wretch as was I.  Another time, Around Town reporter Ana Belaval was doing a live shot from a hot yoga studio with men and women in a sweaty room doing moves on their mats while in their bare feet.  Just before Robin said it out loud I thought, “Ew gross, lots of bare feet in there!”  Great minds think alike right? 

My song parody pal Al Flash and I even came up with a Robin foot phobia parody to the old song “Bare Footin’.”  Check it out here.

All this talk and sharing of video and photos of feet is making me queasy,.I think it’s time I go lie down, and I’ll keep my feet under the covers.

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG– My foot phobia isn’t the only chink in my personal armor.  I’ll share a few more of my quirks, but they won’t be gross like this posting was.

The news of singer Eddie Money’s passing, while sad to hear also brought a sly smile to my face.  That smile comes from a short chat Eddie and I had back in the early 90’s when we had him as an in studio guest on the Murphy in the Morning Show at Q-101.

At all radio stations where I worked, one of my tasks as producer was to record promo announcements or so called I.D.’s from any celebrity we had in for visits.  Over a twenty year period I sat across a studio recording board from countless famous people. Everyone from Peter Frampton, Jerry Seinfeld, Evel Knievel, Bo Diddly and Cindy Crawford to Brooks & Dunn, Dolly Parton, Sam Kinison,Dennis De Young, Trisha Yearwood and Glenn Frey and many more.  Most of the promo liners were written by me so I got to ‘collaborate’ with lots of big time names.   But I digress. Let’s get back to one former New York Police trainee named Eddie Mahoney who left a career as a potential cop and morphed into singer and classic rock radio staple Eddie Money.

After Eddie’s on air interview with Murphy, I escorted him into a production studio and had him record a couple of show promos for Murf and Q-101. Once the quality of those tapings was checked out I usually had a little time to talk with the celeb on hand and with Eddie there was a memory to share with him.

I told Mr. Money about an insane 1978 New Year’s Eve I had at age 17 down in Fort Lauderdale when there with four buddies. What Eddie got from me was how one of his songs was the kick-start to all the fun we had that night and I owed him for that.  My story to the singer lasted just a minute or two but I’ll share with you more of what went down.  It happened over forty years ago but the events about to be described are permanently locked in my memory’s hard drive.   

We rang in the New Year at a bar called The Ocean Mist Lounge and after the countdown to 12 midnight the first song the club D.J. played for 1979 was Eddie Money’s hit “Baby Hold On”.  I think it was a dance mix because the song and our dancing went on for much longer than just the three minutes thirty of that cut.  

Since it was New Year’s, there were plenty of kisses to share with the women in this club.  And these were WOMEN; women in their early and mid to late twenties. Here my pals and I are these goofy clueless high school seniors mashing mouths with any lass who looked good in their Gloria Vanderbilt designer jeans, spiked heels and halter tops. Sure, I had kissed a few girls (again, girls my age) in the past on a couple of dates but this make-out marathon was a whole new ballgame.

There were other songs being played after “Baby Hold On” but it was that tune that launched me into a non-stop game of tonsil hockey with total strangers of the feminine gland.  Our partying took us out to the main drag of Fort Lauderdale and then things kicked into an even higher gear. The street was jammed New Year’s partiers and it seemed like every other car that slowly idled by us was loaded with three or four lovely honeys ready for some intense lip smacking.  So who was I to turn them down,.right?

We curbside Casanovas kept up the spit swap silliness with the Florida hotties for a couple of hours. (We may have done more than kiss but let’s keep this a PG-13 blog, O.K.?) One van I didn’t notice slowly rolled past us and my pal Dave Potter calmly reported, “That girl didn’t have any clothes on.” I sprinted to catch up to the van and sure enough the side panel door to this vehicle was open and inside sat a naked woman. Of course we had to exchange Happy New Year’s pleasantries and I just about died laughing at the craziness!
There was more fun to be had during our week in Fort Lauderdale (I came home with T-shirts from several of the bars we drank at) but that first night, launched at midnight by Eddie Money’s “Baby Hold On” was the lynchpin to the whole deal.
So Eddie Money I hope you rest in peace. You’re aces in my book. One of your early hits gave me an experience that will stay with me until I leave this earth. When recalling December 31st, 1978 with a giggle and smirk like the Delta Frat boys in “Animal House” after their toga party, I also think of another of your songs that is fitting, “I Wanna Go Back.”

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG- The Rationale Behind My Barefoot Phobia.

This week the Elmhurst Independent was kind enough to print my farewell to the 2019 swim season at East End Pool.  For those who don’t get delivery of that paper, here’s what I wrote. 

Another season of swimming at East End Pool has ended and we are all left wondering where did the summer go?  The brutally cold polar vortex infused winter we endured this year made the 2019 summer swimming sessions a beacon of hope to look forward to.   

However, from Memorial Day weekend through Labor Day, pool goers were under a constant threat of cooler temperatures and rain which made us appreciate the few warm sunny days we got.  There was the three day run of ultra hot humid conditions in July, but after that stretch afternoons in the mid-eighties’ with little humidity almost seemed cold! Still, we adult swim ‘Regulars’ persisted. 

In the 2005 movie “Fever Pitch” Jimmy Fallon plays a school teacher and Boston  Red Sox season ticket holder who sits with the same fellow fanatics for every home game. While courting Drew Barrymore, Jimmy introduces her to these folks and says, “They’re my summer family.”  Well that perfectly describes me and my fellow swim regulars at East End Pool.  

Sadly we lost some of last summer’s regulars, one moved out of state to be closer to her grandkids, one had to move to a nursing home and another passed away.  We missed these good people and yet there were new friends who became part of the family and we’re always ready to welcome more. 

There’s something soothing about the communal gathering in the waters of East End Pool.   It’s a daily social event and a great thing to look forward to during my teacher’s summer break. While getting in some exercise we share news on what’s going on around town and there’s the banter about everything else from baseball to reviews of new movies and concerts.   I only wish our time in the pool could last longer than a little over three months.

As usual, the staff at East End did a fine job in keeping up the pool and providing a fun and safe place for people of any age to enjoy. 

So now the gates are closed, the water will be drained and we’ve got almost nine months to wait to get back into East End Pool.  Like many others, I’m hoping for a less wicked winter and a warmer and sunnier 2020 season. I look forward to more time spent with my summer family.

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG– EXPLAINING MY BARE FOOT PHOBIA.