My Evolution Thru the “Scrubs” Characters

One of my favorite post-90’s network TV shows is “Scrubs.”  The show debuted in the fall of 2001 and I was a fan of the half hour NBC dramedy from the get-go.  Quick, smart writing, interesting characters, fun comedic and serious twists made it a must-watch.  The series ended in 2010 but these days you can catch reruns every Wednesday on IFC.  I DVR it and catch up on some familiar laughs and storylines.

“SCRUBS” IS A TV SERIES THAT ENDURES AND I’VE EVOLVED FROM ONE CHARACTER TO ANOTHER.

One thing I now notice about “Scrubs” is that over the last twenty years I’ve evolved in my identifying with the lead characters of the show.  Aging, maturing and life’s experiences will do that to you.  Let me explain.

When “Scrubs” began airing I found myself relating very closely with med-students John ‘J.D.’ Dorian and Chris Turk.  These guys were young upstart medical interns with plenty to learn at Sacred Heart, a teaching Hospital.  They were immature and goofy but full of promise.  In context I was ten years older than these guys but working in big city radio, I was at a low level of maturity and as care free as JD and Turk.

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND MUCH LIKE JD & TURK.

Fast forward ten years and as ‘Scrubs’ left the air there were still the reruns to enjoy.  I was now a certified teacher, closing in on age fifty and found myself aligning with Dr. Perry Cox.  Dr. Cox was the sarcastic, proficient lead doctor at Sacred Heart Hospital. He was a helpful mentor to JD, Turk, Eliot Reid and often bumped heads with Sacred Heart’s big boss, Chief of Medicine Dr. Bob Kelso.  Dr. Cox’s efforts to improve the careers of his younger staff was kind of like me trying to teach my students in class and get them to embrace lifelong learning.  Like Dr. Cox I did this with personal passion, dry humor and an occasional tinge of sarcasm.

THEN I MOVED ON AND IDENTIFIED MORE WITH DR. PERRY COX.

So now here we are twenty years later in the existence of “Scrubs” and also in my own life.  I’m sixty-one, fully functioning with years of experience to share in my work. I’m moving forward as a teacher of students, a hopefully reliable help to younger teachers and a bit of a happy curmudgeon.  In other words, I now sometimes identify with the words and ways of Sacred Heart’s Dr. Bob Kelso. 

BREAKING THINGS DOWN “BOBBO STYLE”, THAT’S ME NOW AS DR. KELSO.

There are no more characters after Dr. Kelso’s age to align with on “Scrubs” so I’m pretty much in a holding pattern with that.  One thing to glean from this ‘Scrubs Evolution’ is I’m still learning new things.  New ways to teach and help others and maybe even finding a few new revelations about myself.  To quote a line from the “Scrubs” TV theme, “I can’t do this all on my own, no I’m no Superman.”

NEXT WEEK: SOME SONGS ABOUT CHEAP SEX.

Memories of Meatloaf

Last year when songwriter/music producer Jim Steinman died, I wrote a blog paying tribute to his works.  I put most of my focus on his collaboration with Meatloaf on the landmark “Bat Out of Hell” album. 

Well, now Meatloaf himself has passed away at the age of 74 so I thought I’d re-play some of what I blogged last year. 

 Jim Steinman wrote all the songs for “Bat Out of Hell.”  Tracks from that record included the title track, “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad,” the operatic “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” and other great songs that made both sides of that disc fun to listen to.

“Bat Out Of Hell” came out in late 1977. At that time my stereo’s turntable spun albums by The Who, Elton John, Queen, Eagles and Bob Seger. Meatloaf’s songs were also played loudly and often in my bedroom.

This record had a bold orchestral sound to it.  It was very theatrical, as was 270 pound Meatloaf performing concerts in black slacks and a ruffled tuxedo shirt all breathy and sweaty.  Lots was made of Meatloaf’s heavyset body and long hair but his vocals easily eclipsed whatever his look was.

FOR DECADES MEATLOAF WAS A CHARISMATIC SINGER AND PERFORMER. I’M GRATEFUL HIS MUSIC WAS PART OF MY TEENAGE SOUNTRACK.

So back in 1977 at age 16, I was full of piss and vinegar and of course teen lust.  At that time, I’m not sure any other set of songs were as much in my wheelhouse as what “Bat Out of Hell” brought me.

You had the drama of “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” with the whole idea of ‘going all the way’ that lit fires of passion and wanting. Lyrics like “Well I can remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday, parking by the lake and there was not another car in sight, and I never had a girl looking any better than you did, and all the kids at school, they were wishing they were me that night.”   How can you listen to that and not think about the night you had with that much wanted “hot date”?

CRANKING THIS ALBUM ON THE HOME STEREO WAS A RITUAL OF MINE AND MANY OTHER TEENS FULL OF PISS AND VINEGAR.

There was the angst and frustration of “All Revved Up and No Place to Go.”   “I was nothing but a lonely boy looking for something new, and you were nothing but a lonely girl, but you were something, something like a dream come true.”  And then to go on to the chorus of this guy and girl with “Every Saturday night, I felt the fever grow, do you know what it’s like, all revved up and no place to go.”

Finally, there was my favorite track, “You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth starting with the boy-girl recitation asking “Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?” This followed by the sung lines, “It was a hot summer night and the beach was burning, there was fog crawling over the sand, when I listen to your heart I hear the whole world turning, I see the shooting stars falling through your trembling hands.”  I didn’t have a beach to take girls to but I sure wished one was nearby.    

Then top this off with the killer line “You were licking your lips and your lipstick shining, I was dying just to ask for a taste, we were lying together in a silver lining by the light of the moon, you know there’s another moment to waste.”  Been there, done that. Whew!

EASILY MY FAVORITE SONG FROM THE “BAT OUT OF HELL” ALBUM. DO THE FAIR THING AND PLAY IT LOUD!

Just re-writing these Jim Steinman lines brings me back to cranking those songs every Friday and Saturday night before going out with friends to high school parties to guzzle cans of Old Style & Olympia beer, all charged up and hoping to chat up a girl or two.  After that, who knows what might happen?

Me and most of my high school buddies were a bit slow to get out of the gate with the opposite sex; like Bob Seger so aptly sang we were ‘Working on mysteries without any clues.’  Eventually, all of us did find our footing with girls and thankfully I had the songs from “Bat Out of Hell” there to let me know I wasn’t alone in my wanting. There was someone who knew how I felt, there was hope and yes, maybe even a slight glimpse of paradise by the dashboard light…

So now we bid farewell to Meatloaf at age 74.  As many of the obits are saying, he was quite a character, full of charisma and passion.  And to Meatloaf and his song partner Jim Steinman I add, thanks for the music and the memories that remain…

NEXT BLOG- My evolution through the characters on “Scrubs.”

Licorice Pizza Looked Tasty But…

Thanks to this bastard COVID virus my in-theater movie going has slowed down to just a handful of films seen over the past 22 months. I used to catch 3 to 4 movies a month, sometimes more when the high quality releases hit big screens in the fall of each year.

Anyway, this year I was able to resume my long running Christmas Day tradition of seeing a film in the theater.  (And I’m not even Jewish)  I chose the much hyped “Licorice Pizza”, the latest offering from Paul Thomas Anderson.  P.T. Anderson has written and directed great movies like “Boogie Nights,” “Hard Eight”, “Punch Drunk Love”, “Magnolia” and one of my very favorites, “There Will Be Blood.” 

LICORICE PIZZA IS THE DARLING OF THE MOVIE CRITICS.

So, at 3:15 p.m. on Christmas Day I walked out of the Oak Brook AMC Theater (just 2 days after 4 people were injured by gunshot at the adjoining mall which is a story in and of itself) and tried to figure out what I just watched for the last 2 hours.  From the grumblings I heard after the film from the crowd leaving that screening room, I think everyone else was in my boat too.

“Licorice Pizza” is a look at goings on in the San Fernando Valley circa 1973.  Cooper Hoffman (son of the late great actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman) plays Gary, a fifteen-year-old child actor who pines for twenty-five-year-old photography assistant Alana played by Alana Haim, she from the real-life L.A. based sisters band Haim.  Gary is upfront about his feelings but Alana plays him off as only a business partner in his water bed store.  He then veers into other business attempts and Alana volunteers for a guy running for mayor of Encino, California. 

COOPER HOFFMAN AND ALANA HAIM DID LOTS OF SPRING RUNNING IN “LICORICE PIZZA.”

I could tell you more but it would be hard to explain.  Hard to explain the Japanese restaurant connection (which involves some complained about racial stereotypes) and the weirdness of Jon Peters (played by Bradley Cooper) who acts half-crazy over his affair with Barbra Streisand.  Then there’s the 10 minutes of screen time devoted to Sean Penn as a movie maker and his old pal played by Tom Waits who re-live some past movie stunt they made but in the most insane and befuddling way!

“Licorice Pizza”, as many of the glowing reviews states, is a film more about incidents than plot.  If you want a much better movie that is more about incidents than plot, right off the top of my head I’ll tell you to re-watch Barry Levinson’s classic “Diner.”   And if you want a movie about a young guy meeting and wanting a woman in California, I’ll tell you to check out the criminally under-appreciated “Dean.”

The trailer for “Licorice Pizza” earns an A+ grade.  Lots of fast cuts, wacky short glimpses and ‘boy meets girl/girl flashes bare chest to boy’ stuff shown.  I read this movie was Paul Thomas Anderson’s nostalgic look at life in the Valley as he remembered it in the early 1970’s.  Whatever. I gave the movie a C+ which may have been a plus sign too generous. 

“LICORICE PIZZA” BROUGHT US A REALLY COMPELLING MOVIE TRAILER.

Regarding “Licorice Pizza’s” trailer, I put movie previews into three categories.  The first trailer being like Anderson’s movie preview; weird, quirky parts of a film that make you say, “Hey, this looks like something different and special!”  But it isn’t that special.

The second kind of trailer can show us those wacky glimpses but it IS special and memorable.  Think of movies like “Rushmore,” “The Big Lebowski,” “The Grand Budapest Hotel” or recent Oscar winner “Parasite.”

Then there’s my LEAST favorite movie trailer, the one where most if not all the twists, turns, jokes and spoilers are shown WITHIN the three-minute preview!  Hollywood often treats us movie goers like five-year-olds who cannot wait or tolerate being surprised. 

You want to see a quality movie trailer that gives away nothing and has more twists and turns than a tub full of snakes?  Check out this old one for “The Usual Suspects.”

IF YOU WANT A GOOD MOVIE PREVIEW THAT GIVES AWAY ZERO SPOILERS, CHECK OUT THIS OLD ONE FROM “THE USUAL SUSPECTS.”

So here I close out 2021 with a disappointed look back at a movie that sure looked good or at least somewhat interesting.  I hope 2022 brings us all good health, lower prices on goods we buy and yes, better films that fulfill the promise of their previews.

Mick Out

SEE YOU WITH NEW BLOG POSTS IN LATE JANUARY OF 2022.

School’s Out- And not a minute too soon!

Words cannot describe how thankful I am that the first semester of the 2021-2022 school year is over.  It’s been the most challenging 16 weeks I’ve ever had in teaching. 

This year my self-contained class is eleven students, ten of whom seniors.  All the kids were well behaved with few disciplinary problems.  The challenge was each of my seniors has varying course requirements to earn credits towards their graduation. Their official transcripts dictated me setting them up in a wide variety of classes.  Normally we teachers are used to running and planning 5 to 6 courses total.  This semester I had 23 different courses to plan, monitor and teach!  Back in August, it took me two weeks just to sort out this mess and properly plan matters out.  This wasn’t the kids’ fault, or anyone else’s, it was just unfortunate happenstance.

The best way to describe this mish-mash of classes is this:  Pour a bag of M&Ms, a bag of Skittles and a five lb. bag of brown sugar on the floor.  Now separate each of those elements with a broom.  

THIS HECTIC SEMESTER ALMOST DROVE ME TO DRINK LIKE MAD MEN’S DON DRAPER AND ROGER STERLING.

Add to all this, thanks to that bastard virus we’re all still masked up.  Movement around the school is limited to staying in our room & P.E. time in the gym.  These students are tired of school and understandably restless.  They ask for and get frequent trips to the restroom just to move about and get a break.  I don’t blame them, again it’s bad circumstances and they’re making the best of it. 

I can’t forget to note how scheduling left me with a load of IEP meetings.  Between late August and mid-November, I had to be a part of 13 such reviews and transition meetings.  Three of these meetings were for one student due to red tape and other needs.  Another student required 2 meet-ups.  And it’s not just the meetings, it’s the planning and other paperwork that needs to be covered.

To make things more difficult, during this semester, our school has been short of staff members. We’re still in need of teachers, paraprofessionals and behavior workers.  Everyone in the school is exhausted from covering for staffers who were absent for whatever reasons.  Ms. Cat, my assistant is a fantastic help to my room but even she had to miss several days due to unforeseen things that came up.  

Still, everyone with all hands-on-deck, made it to the Winter Break.  I told some co-workers we might be working with a skeleton crew, but that skeleton has arms that are long and strong.  Anyone who knows me knows nobody outworks me, it’s one of my best assets.  It was that way in my radio days and remains that way with teaching; yet these past four months were harsh and hard.     

The best news out of all this is one of our students made a full transition to their home school and three other kiddos graduated!  I’m thrilled for and proud of them.  The hard work they put in and the support we give them does pay off.

Come early January when we return, I’ll be starting with a lighter caseload of students and fewer courses to track.  It SHOULD go smoother and hopefully what I dealt with between mid-August and now made me stronger and more bullet proof of tough challenges.

For our winter break, I’m happily laying way low.  No need to run out to a bunch of holiday events and that’s just fine by me.  This is a chance to re-charge and catch my breath. 

TIME FOR A COLD BOTTLE OF SHINER BOCK BEER. OR TWO OR THREE…

Enjoy the holidays folks, I’ll be back in January.  Class is happily dismissed!

In wrapping up this semester and this year, I defer to Eric Church’s tribute to hard workers, “Drink in my Hand.”

A Summer Wasted

THE SUMMER OF 2021 IS GONE AND I HAVE MY REGRETS

The summer of ’21 has been over for a few days and I’m still looking back at it with melancholy regret.  In particular, I’m thinking about my 6 ½ week vacation from teaching.  There were plenty of plans made and in truth, very few happened.  Things I wrote out to accomplish collected dust and will have to wait.

Some of what was on my ‘To Do’ list included-

Start eating healthier and exercise more.  I did this in little spurts followed by days of gluttony and laziness.  Mission not even really started, let alone progressing.

Keep up my yard and get it in good shape.  My neighbor’s kid cuts my lawn (because allergies to fresh mown grass have stopped me from doing so) the grass looked O.K. but all the plants and weeds that surround my lawn (front and back, grew out of control with me doing very little to remedy that)

Patch up cracks in my driveway.  I had the driveway sealed and it looks good but I wanted to touch up some spots before winter.  Still hasn’t been done.

Clean out my garage.  The good news is I have hardly anything in my car’s resting area but plenty of leaves and dirt.  Nothing’s been done there either.

Creatively, I wanted to write some short stories that are COVID related.  I have about four different tales outlined but formal creation of those stories wasn’t even started.  There was the hope to post those stories on my blog page. Maybe next year.

MY SUMMER WAS SPENT WASTING TOO MUCH TIME NOT DOING WHAT I PLANNED TO DO.

The two things I DID do this summer was swim almost daily at East End Pool and watch lots of White Sox and Cubs baseball.  That was about it!  I just let the days off drift into each other and they slid right into the crapper with nothing accomplished.

One thing I’ve learned; I am no good with so much open time.  When it comes to work and teaching, I’m a regimented ‘Get it done’ on schedule person, but when left to drift on my own with no agenda, nothing gets done.

As the return to the classroom loomed, I kept mumbling to myself how I wasted my time off.  On my first vacation day (June 26th) I was so full of piss and vinegar ready to accomplish tasks. I’m really great at making these free time plans, just not good at seeing them through.   I’m disappointed in my total lack of effort.

Will next year be different?  I’d like it to be.  But that has to come from my own inner drive and discipline.  Tune in a year from now and see if I’m spouting the old familiar line “Wait til next year.”  I sure hope that’s not the case.

LOOK OUT SUMMER OF 2022, I HOPE TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT!

Seeing Them In My Dreams

I haven’t posted blogs for three months.  I’ve got plenty written but my new semester of teaching is so insanely busy (I’ll spare you the details for now) that until our winter break, just keeping my head above water is enough.

Still, I have something important to reflect on that I want to get out there.  So here goes:

During last weekend’s coverage of the 20th anniversary of the 9-11 terrorist attacks, I caught Bruce Springsteen’s acoustic performance of “I’ll See You in My Dreams,” as he paid tribute to the thousands lost on that awful day and their surviving families and friends.  That song comes from last year’s “Letter to You” album.   

Despite being a longtime fan of Springsteen, truth be told, his last several albums just didn’t do it for me.  However, “I’ll See You in My Dreams” is a song that HAS reached me!  The video shows clips of deceased E-Street Band members Clarence Clemons and Danny Federici as well as modern day footage of Bruce and his band. 

But it’s the lyrics that brought this one home to me, especially the line “I remember you my friend, and though you’re gone and my heart’s been emptied it seems, I’ll see you in my dreams.”

We’ve all lost people who meant so much to us.  They are often remembered and there’s the pining and wanting for them to still be with us.  Just one more day, one more dinner, one more get together, one more dance, one more laugh or one more hug. 

WE ALL MISS OUR DEPARTED LOVED ONES AND WISH FOR MORE TIME WITH THEM.

Of my immediate family of four, I’m the soul survivor. My dad, mom and sister have been dead for years.  All my grandparents, aunts, uncles and a cousin are long gone too.  Add to this, the passing of no less than seven dear friends & co-workers who were as tight to me as family and the suicide of a former student who I closely worked with.

I miss every one of these individuals but often see them in my dreams, just like Bruce sings.  The dreams of these departed ones come out of nowhere; I may not have thought of one of these individuals for a while and then boom!  A dream rolls into my slumber and it feels like we’re together again.

You know how you have a great sleeping vision of wealth or other good things happening then you wake up depressed that it was just a dream? Well, when having my dreams of departed souls, I never wake up frustrated that what was experienced in my sleep was not real.  This may sound a little cosmic but I see these dreams as visits.  My dead family or friends come into my sleeping brain to say ‘Hi, all is well and hope you’re doing well too.”  It’s a great feeling and one I welcome anytime it happens.  I see them in my dreams and Springsteen’s song is a reminder of this to me and to others who grieve for lost loved ones.

A few years ago, actor Mark Ruffalo was asked how he got over the unsolved murder of his brother Scott.  He said, you don’t get over it but you learn to live alongside it.  I heard those words from Ruffalo on the very same day I was to give a eulogy for my dear departed sister Marianne. 

That’s what I’ve learned to do, live alongside the passing of people who meant the world to me.  And I take comfort in what Springsteen sings, “We’ll meet and laugh again, for death is not the end, I’ll see you in my dreams.”

SPRINGSTEEN’S SONG IS FITTING FOR ANY OF US WHO MISS THOSE WHO ARE NO LONGER WITH US.

Little Known Facts About Me

A while ago on Facebook I posted a little known fact about myself.  So now I’ve decided to add in a few other little trivial spots on yours truly.  Some of my friends and family are aware of some of these things but I don’t think anyone knows ALL of them.  So here they are.

SOME FOLKS KNOW SOME THINGS ABOUT ME BUT NOT OTHERS. CHECK EM OUT.

** I have not thrown up, barfed, puked or hurled since February 5th 1991.  Back in the fall of ’93 I came close thanks to having appendicitis but ended up holding in my soup.

** My front four upper teeth are capped.  They have been since 1981.

** Back in 1974 I entered and won a ‘Name that New Park’ contest in Elmhurst.  A plot of land near my house was to be named and the Elmhurst Park District chose my idea.   Pioneer Park was dedicated on Labor Day 1974 and on that day at both Elmhurst public swimming pools, it was ‘Mickey Kahler’s Day.’  I still have the huge signs they made to mark this event.  By the way, it rained all that day and it was cold.  Doh!

THE ENTRANCE TO PIONEER PARK.
FOR YEARS PIONEER PARK WAS JUST AN OPEN FIELD WITH A FEW GARDEN PLOTS. NOWADAYS IT’S A MUCH MORE FUNCTIONAL PLACE WITH A PLAYGROUND, BASKETBALL COURT AND SOCCER FIELD.

** In high school I failed Driver’s Ed Behind the Wheel.  I didn’t get in enough practice time during off school hours and bombed the final road test.  I immediately re-upped for the next class and a few weeks later got an A- final grade.  Over forty-four years behind the wheel, I have a pretty clean driving record with only one accident that was my fault.  (I’ve been hit by drunk drivers twice and even a beer truck)

** I never drink coffee.  I like the smell of coffee, but not the taste.

** The same goes for anything with coconut in it.  I enjoy the smell, like in a shampoo, soap or skin lotion but can’t stand the taste or texture of coconut.

** When ordering take-out meals to be delivered, eating at restaurants or having drinks at a bar I’m a very good tipper.  For years my mother was a waitress at various eateries including Elmhurst’s swanky Stevens Steakhouse and I remember how hard she worked shlepping meals to diners.  People in the service industry have a challenging gig and I don’t blink twice at rewarding them more than fairly.

**Back to drinks.  When having cocktails with friends I usually toast them by saying “Slainte!”  (Pronounced Slahncha)  It’s an Irish & Scottish Gaelic word that means ‘Good health.’  I first picked up on this term watching the great Irish movie “Waking Ned Devine.”

I’VE ALWAYS BEEN A GOOD TIPPER. THIS IS THANKS TO REMEMBERING HOW HARD MY MOM WORKED AS A WAITRESS .

** I’m sort of left-handed, sort of right-handed.  I write, throw, swing a baseball bat, a golf club and shoot a hockey stick as a lefty.  Using a spoon or fork, I go lefty. However, I cut with scissors, kick a ball, shoot a gun and play guitar as a righty.  Oh, and when using a phone, I’m always left eared.

** I always enjoyed cutting my own lawn but since 2010 had to stop.  I developed a wicked allergy to freshly mowed grass.  Hiring a landscaping service was the way to take care of my yard but now a neighbor’s son does my grass cutting.

** While I no longer have my appendix or gall bladder, I still have my tonsils, all my teeth and seventy-five percent of my hair.  (Gray as it may be)

** I’ve only dated one red headed woman but often find myself attracted to ginger haired lasses.  

SURE I’M ATTRACTED TO REDHEADED WOMEN, BUT METHINKS MODEL/ACTRESS ANGIE EVERHART MIGHT BE A LITTLE OUT OF MY LEAGUE.
SPRINGSTEEN’S “REDHEADED WOMAN” SAYS IT BEST.

DEAR READERS- I’ve going to take some time off from posting new blogs.  So many folks are caught up in post-pandemic enjoyments (deservedly so) and I am too.  Plus, I’m working on some short story ideas.  See you back later this summer.

Random Thoughts

I have a few things on my mind that I need to get off my chest.  (If that makes any sense)

BILLIE EILISH’S TROJAN HORSE

Billie Eilish is a very successful singer/songwriter who fits into the ‘emo’ category/low fi music style.  Her vocals have been described as ‘whispery’ and ‘ethereal’ with lyrics that center around feelings of being outcast and wanting to be understood.  In other words, Eilish’s music is right in the wheelhouse of many young teens trying to find themselves. 

However, much of Billie Eilish’s notoriety comes from her physical image, sporting super baggy clothes, hoodies, dark sunglasses and black hair tinted with neon green highlights.  For her first couple years on the music scene Billie looked like the 2010’s version of Ally Sheedy’s shy and troubled character in “The Breakfast Club.”  A sullen, self-loathing loner who is struggling for acceptance.

A COUPLE YEARS AGO, THIS WAS HOW BILLIE EISLISH PRESENTED HER PUBLIC IMAGE.

Not anymore!  Over the past several months Billie Eilish has undergone a major makeover. First there was a big hubbub when she posed for a photo that showed off cleavage and since then Miss Eilish has been appearing more like a Madonna meets Beyonce singing diva.  No more baggy sweatpants, hoodies and funky colored hair.   The once painfully shy wallflower has even posed for a cover of Vogue magazine.

So those who were into Billie Eilish’s ’s emo/I’m so lost and confused songs, are left in the dust.  She’s no longer sitting with you at the back table of the cafeteria, wearing layers of baggy sweats and hiding in the shadows of peers she felt inferior to.  Billie Eilish is now one of the “cool kids.”  Folks, that ‘cool kid’ thing was always in Billie, she scammed many fans into thinking she was like them but she’s not.  It’s a trojan horse styled hoodwink.  Plain and simple.

Add to this, Billie EIlish is now accused of so called “Queerbaiting” due to the video for her new song “Lost Cause” which features her dancing and cavorting suggestively with a group of young ladies. She then posted a short follow up video stating “I love girls.”  Eilish is currently dating actor Matthew Tyler Vorce. There was also a recent report that Billie Eilish uttered an Asian slur and she has since apologized for that comment, giving the usual excuse racists give stating, “That’s not who I am.” Please. Sounds like she’s becoming a ‘mean girl’, far from the sad downcast image portrayed not too long ago.  Anyone who believes this young star is the genuine article could very well be mistaken.

THIS IS THE MORE UP TO DATE IMAGE OF THE ONCE SHY BUTTERFLY BILLIE EILISH. SHE’S SCAMMING HER FANS.

WET TEDDY BEARS? If I ever met the guy in those Liberty Insurance commercials selling ‘wet teddy bears’, I’d have to give him a big smack upside the head.  Totally obnoxious ads that you cannot help but see when tuning into TV shows.  And whoever came up with Liberty’s simplistic jingle, you get a smack upside the head too. Here’s their jingle: “Liberty, Liberty, Liberty, Liberty!”  Wow.  Genius

WHO WANTS A WET TEDDY BEAR? ONLY IF I CAN GIVE THIS OBNOXIOUS GUY A SMACK UPSIDE HIS HEAD.

“HACKS” CAN HACK IT

Having HBO Max is worth the extra money thanks to the comedy series “Hacks.”  Jean Smart stars as Deborah Vance, a Joan Rivers styled comedian (complete with her own jewelry/fashion line sold on cable infomercials) This comic is about to lose her long running Las Vegas residency at the swanky Palmetto Hotel & Casino.  Her reluctant co-hort is a recently disgraced due to a bad tweet comedy writer named Ava (played by Hannah Einbinder). Christopher MacDonald co-stars as Smart’s sometimes business associate.  The lines are fast, clever and have such a real feel to them. “Hacks” brings us the darkly funny and at times enlightening side of those who’ve made it in show-biz but have a realization that their time in the spotlight may be running out.  HBO recently announced a second season of “Hacks” will happen, and I can’t wait!

JEAN SMART (right) PLAYS WORLD WEARY BUT STILL FUNNY COMEDIAN DEBOARAH VANCE. HERE SHE’S WITH HER WRITING ASSISTANT AVA PLAYED BY HANNAH EINBINDER.

MISS CRUMP GETS A ‘D’

As a lifelong watcher and lover of the Andy Griffith Show I’ve come to the conclusion that Sheriff Andy Taylor’s girlfriend, Helen Crump was a bad school teacher.  Here are just some examples of this educator getting a low grade from me.

There was the time Helen messed up transcribing students’ grades that made poor Opie Taylor think he got all “A’s” on his report card.  Not only were Opie’s grades low, he got a ‘D’ in math!

Another time when struggling in math, Opie was told by Miss Crump to blow off his homework and go play football after school.  Sheriff Taylor wasn’t too happy to hear that.

Also, I’m not sure what vibes Helen Crump was putting out to young Opie but she inspired him to buy her a gift of black silk stockings.  Hey now!

MISS CRUMP SHOWN HERE DANCING WITH OPIE SEEMED TO SPARK A LOVE INTEREST IN THE YOUNG BOY.

Getting back to Sheriff Taylor, Helen Crump was in an open and obvious romantic relationship with Andy, this despite being his son Opie’s teacher.  While this is not illegal it sure smacks as being professionally inappropriate.

Finally, there was the time when Ernest T Bass was trying to get an education in Miss Crump’s class.  Ernest T kept interrupting a lesson being taught and instead of sending him to the principal or having him take a ‘time-out’, Miss Crump smacked Ernest T with a ruler!  That kind of move would get this teacher fired or at least suspended for a few days.  Miss Crump, get yourself together.

MISS CRUMP SHOWN HERE TRYING TO DISCIPLINE ERNEST T BASS. IN HER RIGHT HAND IS THE RULER SHE’S ABOUT TO SMACK HIM WITH!

So, in conclusion– Billie Eilish is a Trojan Horse pulling scam artist, the wet teddy bear salesman needs to get smacked, “Hacks” is a funny TV series and Helen Crump was a bad teacher.  O.K., everything on my mind is now off my chest.  Class dismissed.

NEXT BLOG– Some things you didn’t know about me and didn’t think to ask.

Everybody Back in the Water!

Forget about loving the smell of napalm in the morning.  I’ll take the sweet smell of Banana Boat SPF 30 sunscreen every time.   Yes, this past Saturday Elmhurst’s East End Pool opened for the first time in over 21 months.   Man, I knew I missed the water but didn’t know I missed it THAT much! 

REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD! HAPPY TO HAVE MY LOCAL POOL OPEN FOR BUSINESS AGAIN.

Lots of families with their young children were on hand and every person I swam by had a big smile on their face.  There were plenty of comments from folks saying how much they missed pool time and how thrilled they were that things were fully opened after the dry summer of 2020.

On Saturday I didn’t see any fellow pool regulars, (my summer family) but they often skip that day since there is no hourlong adult swim.  The one downer is for this year the adult swim is only set for Mondays thru Fridays, no Sunday adult swim sessions. Personally, I don’t care if a thousand members of the Mickey Mouse club show up to swim, I plan to spend as much time in the water as possible.

Saturday was a sunny humid ninety-degree day and the cool chlorine waters of the public pool were just the antidote we pandemic stifled people needed.  I didn’t go super crazy, staying in the drink for an hour and a half before heading to Mc Donald’s for a large frozen pink lemonade Slushie.   

Sitting at home after my dip, I could feel a slight glow on my face and shoulders which means while protected with the sunscreen, I’m still getting some tanning color.  By mid-July I’ll be brown as a berry.

NO I DIDN’T RUN INTO SCARLETT JOHANSSON OR HUGH JACKMAN AT THE POOL, BUT THE SWIM SEASON IS JUST BEGINNING.

Later Saturday afternoon I went to Sport Clips and got my annual summer buzz hair-cut.   My regular stylist Britany did the cutting and it was nice seeing her for the first time in about a year.  Britany had been homebound during the pandemic taking care of her two young children while her husband worked his full time job. I was going to wait until summer school ended to get my buzz cut but the weather is just too hot and sticky and I needed to get my long locks trimmed down.

YOU KNOW SUMMER HAS ARRIVED WHEN I SHOW OFF MY ANNUAL WARM WEATHER BUZZ CUT.

On Sunday I ran into a couple of the East End regulars and the first thing they asked was how my year of teaching during the pandemic went.  I politely gave them the shortened version of what a challenge that deal was for students and staff.  We all agreed that the important thing was we’re all still alive and back in the pool.

The rest of my time was spent taking some leisurely laps and remembering my swim strokes’ mantra.  “Pick an apple, put it in your pocket, pick an apple, put it in your pocket, pick an apple, put it in your pocket.”  It’s a huge relief to see everyone in their swim wear.  Board shorts, gym shorts, one piece swimsuits, bikinis, tankinis, etc.  Thankfully nobody was sporting tiny Speedos or the dreaded banana hammock.  Whew!

I’ve got eight more half days of summer school to roll through so my swim time will probably be limited to the Saturday and Sunday regimen until Monday June 28th.  That’s fine with me.  It just feels good to get back in the swim of things.

A SUMMER SELFIE TAKEN BEFORE GETTING MY BUZZ HAIRCUT. I MISSED BEING IN THE WATER AND LOOK FORWARD TO THE SWIM SEASON AT EAST END POOL.

NEXT BLOG- Things on my mind to get off my chest.

Call Me Crazy But…

Lots of random thoughts running through my head, time to let em loose.

CALL ME CRAZY BUT…

*Panera Bread’s food is way over-priced.  A close second is Jason’s Deli.

*The coolest member of the Rat Pack was Dean Martin.

*As dorky as they may look, Asics athletic shoes are super comfortable.

FORGET SINATRA OR SAMMY, THE COOLEST MEMBER OF THE ‘RAT PACK’ WAS DEAN MARTIN. BEST SINGING VOICE AND HE ALWAYS SEEMED BEMUSED BY ALL THE ATTENTION GIVEN TO THE WHOLE GROUP OF ENTERTAINERS.

CALL ME CRAZY BUT…

*I miss Quisp cereal and Olympia beer. (But not at the same time)

*If I could change one thing about myself physically, it would be to have perfect vision without glasses or contact lenses.

*Given the choice, I’d rather smell dog poop than cigarette smoke.

I MISS QUISP CEREAL. A CHILDHOOD FAVORITE FOR SURE.
IN HIGH SCHOOL, ME AND MY PALS WOULD SWITCH BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN DRINKING OLD STYLE AND OLYMPIA BEER. I HAVEN’T HAD AN ‘OLY’ IN 20 YEARS.

CALL ME CRAZY BUT…

*My favorite Steve Winwood song will always be “Back in the High Life.”

*Hard as I try, Kevin Hart’s stand-up comedy and movies just don’t do it for me.

*Toe rings are the most idiotic jewelry items ever sold to women. And if you’re a guy wearing a toe ring, you’ve just lost the ‘man card’ you never deserved in the first place.

LOVE THE MELODY AND LYRICS TO STEVE WINWOOD’S “BACK IN THE HIGH LIFE.” (SO DON’T BE SURPRISED TO SEE ME BACK IN THE BRIGHT PART OF TOWN.)

CALL ME CRAZY BUT…

*I’ll never get the attraction of models, actresses and every day women sporting thong bikini bottoms jammed up their ass cracks. It looks so uncomfortable, desperate and worst of all, UNSANITARY!  Most women look much better in one-piece swimsuits.

*Of the M. Night Shyamalan movies, “Unbreakable” was my favorite, even topping “The Sixth Sense.”

*The Delta Sonic Car Wash in Downers Grove does a great car scrubbing and interior cleaning.  Well worth the cost, which isn’t that high.

FORGET THE THONG ‘UP YOUR CRACK’ BIKINI BOTTOMS MANY FAMOUS WOMEN OPT FOR. EVERY WOMAN LOOKS MUCH BETTER IN A ONE PIECE SWIMSUIT LIKE LOVELY AUSSIE MODEL FIONA FALKINER.

CALL ME CRAZY BUT…

*Any guy who sports the so called ‘Monkey’s Tail’ beard is a putz.

* On “The Andy Griffith Show”- Sheriff Andy Taylor’s best girlfriend was Peggy the nurse.  She was the most attractive and her daddy had tons of money.

*Forget Oakley or Ray-Ban sunglasses.  I’ll take my twenty-five dollar Blu-Blockers over them every day.

THE MONKEY’S TAIL BEARD IS THE MOST IDIOTIC THING A GUY CAN WEAR. (EXCEPT FOR A TOE RING)

NEXT BLOG: Back in the Swim of Things…