A New Round of ‘Have You Ever’?

Before this bastard Covid 19 virus came into our lives, we all HAD lives.  We had places we went, things we saw, things we did and things we enjoyed or suffered through.  With that said, let’s play another round of ‘Have You Ever’? 

So read the questions, mark down which ones you’ve done in your past and no fair peeking at your neighbor’s paper!

HAVE YOU EVER:

DELIVERED A EULOGY?

BEEN A PALLBEARER?

SERVED ON A JURY?

RECEIVED AN HONORARY DEGREE?

DONATED BLOOD?

WRITING AND DELIVERING A EULOGY IS A VERY SOLEMN AND EMOTIONAL TASK. I’VE DONE THIS FOR MY MOTHER, MY FATHER AND MY SISTER.

HAVE YOU EVER:

KISSED A FAMOUS PERSON? 

BEEN INTERVIEWED OR FEATURED ON TV?

WON A PRIZE FROM A RADIO STATION CONTEST?

TAKEN PART IN A 12 STEP PROGRAM?

HAD A SURPRISE PARTY THROWN FOR YOU?

KATY PERRY KISSES AN “AMERICAN IDOL”CONTESTANT. KATY I AM AVAILABLE FOR A QUICK SMOOCH OR TWO. JUST SAYIN’.

HAVE YOU EVER:

MENTORED A YOUNG PERSON? (NOT INCLUDING YOUR OWN KIDS)

BROKEN UP SOMEONE’S MARRIAGE?

BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR SETTING UP TWO PEOPLE WHO MARRIED?

BEEN A BEST MAN OR MAID OF HONOR?

GONE ON A BLIND DATE?

YODA MENTORED LUKE SKYWALKER AND THAT SEEMED TO WORK OUT O.K. FOR EVERYONE.

HAVE YOU EVER:

HAD SEX ON THE JOB?

BAILED SOMEONE OUT OF JAIL?

WORKED AS AN ELECTION JUDGE?

SIGNED UP TO BE AN ORGAN DONOR?

TESTIFIED AT A TRIAL OR DEPOSITION?

IN THESE SENSITIVE TIMES AND ISSUES OF ‘SOCIAL DISTANCING’ FOOLING AROUND ON THE JOB IS OUT OF THE QUESTION. BUT WHAT ABOUT IN YOUR PAST?

WRAP-UP-I can say “Yes” to 13 of these 20 items. And since it’s not scandalous I’ll admit to sharing hello/goodbye kisses with Nora Dunn, Tanya Tucker and Wynonna Judd…but not at the same time.

NEXT BLOG: My plans for summer, limited as they may be.

COVID 19 vs. Human Nature

The majority of American states that ‘opened up’ their economy and loosened public restrictions are now seeing surges and spikes in new cases of what I call this “bastard virus.”  Forget the arguments of ‘there’s more testing’ so we now have more cases.  When people feel symptoms and even when they don’t, they’re going to get tested.  Keep in mind our nation’s leader says forget the testing and we won’t see spikes in virus numbers.  That’s like me saying if I don’t get on the bathroom scale anymore then I won’t have a weight problem.

The state of Illinois is about to hit Phase 4 this Friday as we get back to some semblance of ‘normal.’  Virus cases are down, social distancing is being followed and I sure as shit hope when this new ‘opening up’ happens that we don’t see a big rise in cases.   However, I won’t be surprised to see virus cases increase to bigger numbers in the Land of Lincoln.  I’m not being a pessimist, just a realist. My reasoning is simple.  While opening businesses and allowing people to “live again’ is great, I expect many folks will let things slide.  Things like mask wearing, hand washing, social distancing and all other elements that help prevent the spread of COVID 19, can easily go by the wayside.  Personally, in my suburban hamlet, I’m already seeing too many people in public not wearing masks. I keep thinking, “Please don’t get this virus and if you have it, don’t spread it to others!”

PHASE 4 BEGINS THIS FRIDAY, GIVING US MORE CHANCES TO INTEGRATE AND MINGLE WITH EACH OTHER. LET’S HOPE EVERYONE MANAGES THEIR SOCIAL DISTANCING.

I mentioned getting on a bathroom scale.  Dealing with the COVID 19 pandemic reminds me of the challenge of weight loss.  The diet industry is a mega-billion dollar business because when folks shed some pounds and start looking and feeling better, what do they do next? They gradually backslide to their old habits.  A fat juicy burger here, a high calorie dessert there and pretty soon it’s, “Goodbye Jenny Craig, hello again to previously worn fat clothes.” There is no lower feeling then having to go in the closet and throw back on the old fat clothes!  Trust me, as a lifelong loser and gainer of many pounds, I know what I speak of and so do millions of other weight loss failures.

LETTING OUR GUARD DOWN WHEN GOING OUT AND ABOUT IS SIMILAR TO THOSE OF US WHO LOSE LOTS OF WEIGHT THEN REVERT BACK TO OUR PAST BAD EATING HABITS AND RE-GAIN THE LOST WEIGHT AND EVEN MORE!

When Phase 4 of the Restore Illinois plan begins, I worry that more masks will come off, there’ll be reckless crowding up in bars & other social gatherings, then before you know it, people will be getting fevers, sore throats and body aches. Next, they’ll get tested and flagged for the virus.  It is human nature to relax and let up when things are going well and that is exactly what is happening with the spiking of virus cases in other states. 

LET’S NOT MESS UP PHASE 4 OF GETTING BACK TO NORMAL.

There’s an old saying, “Change happens in an instant, it’s the resistance to change that’s hard to overcome.”  Yes, right now many of us have changed our lives. We’ve sheltered in place and worked to observe social distancing.  However, when more public spaces open and opportunities to gather with others increases, that is when the ‘resistance’ to change can creep in on us.  The letting up and relaxing of one’s guard in weight loss or this bastard virus brings about an inevitable return to bad news.  

STAY ON GUARD WHEN YOU GO OUT FOLKS, AND STAY MASKED UP. LET’S NOT BACKSLIDE!

I WANT to be proven wrong.  So when phase 4 starts this week, work hard to avoid the expected backslide.  If you venture out to be social again, mask up and be safe, not stupid.  Until a proven vaccine is developed and properly distributed, this ballgame is not and will not be over. 

As things look brighter, stay vigilant and overcome that resistance to change.  Don’t let yourself backslide. Otherwise we’re gonna have to go back to putting on our old fat clothes,.. again!

NEXT BLOG: We’ll play a new round of ‘Have You Ever’?

Remembering The First Ever Summer Blockbuster Movie

With the exception of this crazy ‘shelter in place/quarantine’ time that we now live in, every year there’s speculation over which films are going to be the summer blockbusters.  However, the motion pictures that were specifically released to draw in big crowds in the warm weather months never started until forty five years ago.  Before there was “ Star Wars,”“Jurassic Park,”  “Guardians of the Galaxy” or even “Toy Story 3” there was one movie that woke up Hollywood executives to the box office money that was to be made between Memorial Day and mid-September.  That movie was the Stephen Spielberg directed “Jaws” which was based on the bestselling book written by Peter Benchley.

“Jaws” plunged into theaters on June 20th 1975 and for the next three months it spawned nonstop lines of moviegoers wrapped around the outside of cinemas waiting to get the crap scared out of them.  Kids were off for summer break and their parents also wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

DURING THE WARM WEATHER MONTHS OF 1975, ACROSS THE COUNTRY THERE WERE LONG LINES EVERY DAY TO SEE THE FIRST EVER SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE, “JAWS.”

In the spring of 1974 Stephen Spielberg was no big deal in show business and there are stories of how during the making of “Jaws” his job was on the line many times.  At the time Spielberg had no clue about how technically difficult it was to film this movie in the ocean off the coast of Martha’s Vineyard.  Nowadays filming like that is made in a giant manmade pool or tank with plenty of CGI effects. 

Fast forward a year later, I remember being at the local Dominick’s with my parents after church one Sunday.  Browsing the rack of paperback books, I picked up “Jaws” because the cover picture of an attacking shark looked cool. My parents bought it for me and in a matter of two days I gobbled through every page!  My mom saw how into this book I was and agreed to let me stay home from school on that Monday so I could finish the tale about a man eating Great White Shark .  

AFTER GETTING THIS BOOK ON A SUNDAY MORNING I READ THE WHOLE THING IN LESS THAN TWODAYS!

A month later it’s mid-June of ’75 and I’d just graduated from 8th grade. “Jaws” was coming to local theaters on Friday June 20th and my parents took me and my sister Marianne to see it that Sunday June 22nd.  Like most new movies at the time, the early buzz on “Jaws” was minimal. This was decades before social media and the way one tweet or one online report could light up the entire world. Despite this lack of instant enlightenment, I still thought the theater would be crowded and told my folks we needed to get to the Yorktown Cinema an hour before the first show began. They thought I was nuts but went along with my idea.  We got our tickets (top price was $2.50) and sat on padded benches in the lobby with no other customers in sight.  My mom kept saying coming early was a waste of time. Then almost on cue, the place quickly filled up with ticket buyers and we were in the front of the line of a sold-out theater.  See?  Maybe every once in awhile young son knows something!

LEFT TO RIGHT- HOOPER, CHIEF BRODY AND CAPTAIN QUINT WENT FISHING FOR THE KILLER GREAT WHITE SHARK, AND WHAT A TRIP THAT WAS!

Once the usher opened the velvet rope, we staked out seats about halfway between the front and back of the auditorium.  For the next 124 minutes my family along with the sold-out house were thrilled by this now classic drama. The shark attacks and the chases for the beast were like nothing I’d ever seen before. Still, the most captivating scene was when craggy Captain Quint shared with Brody and Hooper his terrifying survival of the sinking of the USS Indianapolis during World War 2. When Quint wraps up his sharks encounter story by saying, “I’ll never put on a life jacket again,” we understand why.

QUINT’S TERRIFYING SHARK STORY OF BEING A MEMBER OF THE ILL FATED USS INDIANAPOLIS WAS A SCARY TALE BECAUSE IT REALLY HAPPENED.

“Jaws” was the first time I read a book before watching the story unfold on the big screen.  After seeing the film I saw the differences between what was written on the paperback’s pages and what was in the motion picture.  This happens often and I enjoyed both the book and film equally, despite those differences.   

“Jaws” had a filming budget of seven million dollars. The total earnings for that opening weekend totaled seven million and sixty thousand dollars.  In the U.S. it would end up grossing over 260 million dollars and worldwide it cleared 471 million.  Keep in mind that’s not including all the sales of videocassette, DVDs, sequels, side products and merchandising.  The decades long influence of “Jaws” cannot be underestimated.  Heck without “Jaws,” the Discovery channel probably wouldn’t even have their annual ‘Shark Week.’

Years later, author Peter Benchley said he regretted writing the book because it inspired many people to hunt and kill Great Whites and other sharks.  Still, without the book you don’t have the thrilling movie and all the interest and entertainment it’s brought us for almost half a century. 

And we wouldn’t have carefully planned out summer blockbuster movies either.

NEXT BLOG- Preparing for Illinois’ Phase 4.

Remembering My Dad

This Sunday is Father’s Day. My dad’s last Father’s Day was in June of 1993 and two months later he passed away from cancer.  I always miss him but there are so many great memories of Kenneth Robert Kahler. I thought I’d share a few of them.

OCTOBER OF 1978 I was working at the White Castle alongside Linda, my supervisor. She was cute, in her early 30’s, married and well liked by all. So one Sunday afternoon my mom and dad drove to the Castle in their respective cars. Mom waited in her ride and dad came in to drop me off keys to his car which he left in the parking lot. After my shift, I was set to take friends to a Blackhawks game while he and mom had other plans. So pop handed me the keys, told me to have fun and was out the door in less than a minute.  As he walked out, Linda asked me who that guy was. I said, “That’s my pop.”  She replied, “Very good looking man.” Linda didn’t mean it some sleazy way. She was sincere and coming from an attractive woman, her compliment meant even more.  I stood there for a second, then said, “You know, I never thought of that before, but you’re right!  My dad is a good looking guy.”  The next day I shared that anecdote with dad and he smiled broadly.  I’m not sure if and when any of us deem our parents as attractive, but it’s nice when others do.    

LINDA, THE WHITE CASTLE SUPERVISOR WAS RIGHT, MY DAD WAS A VERY GOOD LOOKING MAN.

 FEBRUARY OF 1979  One day my mom told me of a specific Sunday that I needed to ask to have off from working at White Castle.  She said dad had a “hockey surprise” for me. I arranged to take that day off and checked the Blackhawks home schedule but they did not have a home game on this particular date.  I didn’t press my pop for more details and decided to just go with the flow.  The night of our outing as we pulled up to of all places the Mill Run Theater in Niles. I learned it wasn’t a “hockey” surprise but a “comedy” surprise.  Dad took me out to see comedian George Carlin in concert!  We both listened to and liked my Carlin albums but I had no idea he was coming to town for a show.  My father must’ve seen an ad in the paper for the concert and got us tickets.  How many teens can say their dad is so cool he took you out to enjoy the bawdy, downright dirty comedy of George Carlin? That was my pop, quietly cool and fun. And we had a belly laughing riot at that show!

MY DAD SURPRISING ME WITH TICKETS TO SEE GEORGE CARLIN IN CONCERT IS A GREAT MEMORY.

JANUARY OF 1986 By this time I was working for about ten months in Chicago radio as Larry Lujack’s producer at WLS in what was a dream job. I’d been out of college less than two years and was paying back my school student loans for a little over a year.  My monthly payment was eighty dollars a month and while the total balance was not an insane amount like college grads face today, I still had some years of payments to go. One night dad came down to my room and asked for my student loan payment book.  I asked why and he said, “Because from now on, I’m covering your school loan.”  This news floored me, I mean dad and mom had already helped me plenty with money as I navigated through five years of higher education and now he was offering more! My dad’s rationale was he didn’t want to see me saddled with any debts. He encouraged me to enjoy the money I was making in radio and of course save a bit of it as well.  I never asked for this help but again, it showed the simple thoughtfulness my father often brought to my life.

PICKING UP MY STUDENT LOAN PAYMENTS WAS JUST ANOTHER SURPRISE GESTURE FROM MY DAD.

SOMETIME IN THE MID 80’S- While my passion for movies came from both my parents, it was my dad who was the supreme film fanatic.  I could never count all the first run flicks we saw together and the classic movies he showed me on late night TV and video.  Films like “A Face in the Crowd”, “The Hustler” and “Citizen Kane” leap to mind.  Anyway, one night it was my turn to show my dad a movie he’d never seen before. I rented “Caddyshack” and pop loved it. I watched it many times before but to see him crack up at Rodney Dangerfield’s one liners and the rest of the movie was a real kick.  The ultimate was seeing dad hoot, howl and belly laugh during the whole “Baby Ruth” candy bar in the pool bit.  My pop’s hysterics reached their peak when Bill Murray bit into that chocolate log.  I will never ever forget how funny it was to see pop go so nuts for that scene.  Even as I’m writing this his laughs are echoing in my head. 

SEEING MY DAD BUST A GUT LAUGHING AT THIS SCENE FROM ‘CADDIE SHACK’ WAS A REAL TREAT!

I love and miss you pop, Happy Father’s Day to all!

NEXT BLOG-  Remembering the first ever summer blockbuster movie.

Change = No More Quarters

The deaths, illnesses and financial disasters caused by the Coronavirus pandemic are beyond explanation.  Who ever thought something so awful would hit our planet?  So as a pre-cursor to this blog, I want to acknowledge the tragedy that has plagued the human race.  God bless all who’ve been affected in such profound ways.  Stay safe and keep looking out for each other!

WE CANNOT FORGET THE DEVASTATION THE CORONA VIRUS HAS WREAKED ON THE WORLD.

Now on to today’s blog-

There are hundreds of changes in our lives that either have been made or are coming due to what I call this “Bastard virus.”  Masks, rubber gloves, hand sanitizers, temperature checks, social distancing, oh hell, you know the drill.  

For some unknown reason I recently focused on a game that has probably ended forever, or at least until a surefire virus vaccine is produced and properly distributed.  No, it’s not baseball, football, basketball, soccer, hockey or even Twister.  I’m talking about the drinking game Quarters.  In this age of germ and virus worry and warfare, Quarters now is a no go.

IN THESE DAYS OF THE CORONAVIRUS, PLAYING QUARTERS IS NOT HAPPENING.

For those uneducated or uncultured, “Quarters” was a fun social drinking game played mostly by college aged kids and some irresponsible post college aged adults.  Wikipedia incorrectly reports this skill and slurp game was invented in 1987.  Sorry, Quarters started WAY before then because I began competing in 1979 and drinkers much older than I were doing it for years before then. And for the record, I haven’t played Quarters in at least twenty years.

Different regions and players have variances on the way to play Quarters but here’s how I knew the game to be played.  A group of five or six (didn’t really matter) people sit around a hard flat table, no obstructions, with a load of cold beer at the ready.  A glass (usually highball style) was filled halfway up with brew. Then each contestant took turns bouncing a quarter on its flat end on the table in an effort to sink it in the glass of brew.  If he or she made the shot, they got to designate who in the group had to drink the beer.  One small rule we had on this ‘designation’ was when pointing at the person who had to drink, you had to do it with your elbow.  If you forgot to do that then YOU had to drink that beer.

The drinker was expected to quickly suck down the beer and as the last drops slid in their mouth they were to catch that sunken quarter in their teeth. Some folks played where if you messed up on the quarter in the teeth catch, they had to half fill up the glass and drink again.  We normally did not play by this rule. For us, trapping the quarter in our teeth was just a cute way of saying, “Ta Da”!

BOUNCING A QUARTER INTO A GLASS OF BEER AND HAVING AN OPPONENT DRINK IT DOWN AND CATCH THE COIN IN THEIR TEETH WAS A FUN GAME TO PLAY. “WAS’ BEING THE OPERATIVE WORD.

After each attempt at bounce, drop and drink, it was then the next person’s turn at the table to take their try at launching the quarter into a beer and getting someone else to drink it down.  This was a game that could go on for hours, depending on the amount of malt pops on hand, the ability to hold one’s alcohol and of course, bladder capacity.  Most players required at least a couple of trips to the bathroom to empty out the consumed beer but taking a pee did not get you kicked out of the game.  It was a necessary time-out.

Besides the guzzling of beer from the quarter contained beer glass, most players also had their own bottle, can or cup of drink to enjoy during the friendly competition.  Some would smoke cigarettes during Quarters, others would smoke something stronger but that never made sense to me; seemed like overkill on a nice buzz.  The bottom line it was a fun social game full of laughs, jokes and yeah, getting a bit loaded.

UNTIL A CORONAVIRUS VACCINE IS DEVELOPED, PLAYING THIS DRINKING GAME IS A ‘NO GO.’

In modern days, the big college age drinking game is Beer Pong.  Meh. Beep Pong  is played in teams of at least two players per side if not more.  That’s for wimps, who need to lean on others to win. With Quarters, everyone is reliant on their own skills and that’s the way to go.  Put it this way, Jewel and 7-11 sell Beer Pong kits with cups and ping pong balls.  Kits!  That seems too contrived for a drinking game.

So why is Quarters now a game of the past?  Think of our now socially distanced lives: Several folks during a crowded party are huddled close together at a table. They’re bouncing the same quarter in a glass that they all drink beer from and trapping that twenty five cent piece in their mouth.  Oh, and they’re not wearing protective masks!

Quarters, you were fun while you lasted.

NEXT BLOG- Fond memories of my father.

Daredevil or Dumb-ass?

Dan Bernstein the mid-day host at 670 Am WSCR sometimes asks listeners to phone in their experiences of crazy antics and injuries during a segment called ‘Daredevil or Dumbass.’  Once a story is told to the Score host, the question is then asked and answered, ‘Is this person a Daredevil or Dumbass?’ 

Anyway, a recent show-biz news story made me curious. Last week Academy Award winning actress Cate Blanchett suffered an injury to her head, with a chainsaw!  What? 

Ms. Blanchett was interviewed on a podcast and said, “I had a bit of a chainsaw accident yesterday which sounds very, very exciting but it wasn’t. Apart from the little nick to my head, we’re fine,” Cate assured, without revealing exactly what she was doing with the mechanical tool. I wondered if Ms.Blanchett was being a daredevil or a dumbass. We may never know.

SO WHY WAS CATE BLANCHETT PLAYING WITH A CHAINSAW AND WAS SHE A DAREDEVIL OR A DUMB-ASS?

This brings me to my own harrowing tale of injury.  Probably the worst one I ever suffered. It was the spring of 1976.  One Saturday afternoon I was in the backyard with my friend Mark Fredriksen.  My task was to burn off some dried up cornstalks from my mom’s previous summer garden harvest.  There were about a dozen stalks in a pile and the fire we started on them was going slow, too slow.

So what did I do to speed up the burning? Add some gas to the fire, literally.  I took a Styrofoam cup went to the garage and filled the cup to the top with lawnmower gasoline from a one gallon can.  I carefully poured half of the cup of gas on the fire and things started to cook up nicely. Bright yellow flames were jumping and darting. Next, for some unknown reason I stood on top of the burning stalks, to the side of the crackling fire and poured the rest of the gas on the pile. Unfortunately, as I poured out that petrol a gust of wind blew some gas on my right pant leg and the fire lit up and put my leg ablaze!

I screamed, leapt out of that pile and pulled my jeans down to my Converse gym shoes right there in the yard!  Mark was stunned and kept asking if I was O.K.  I was not. The pants drop put out the fire.  I surveyed the damage and saw the skin on my shin from the ankle up to my knee was a burned and seared off mess. Add to this, the smell of my leg hair burning up was sickening.  Oh, and the pain of all this was awful!

As if this burned up leg wasn’t enough, I next chose to NOT let my parents know about my injury. I was embarrassed and figured they’d be pissed at what I did to incur this awful burn. All Mark and I did was rinse some dangling toasted loose skin off my leg with water from the side yard hose then gingerly pulled up my Levis and act as if nothing happened. 

We even went to a friend’s house that night to play a few hours of cards.  As I sat in Henry French’s family rec room playing blackjack, five card stud, and jacks or better to open poker, I could feel the ache of the burn with every beat of my heart. You don’t know agony until you’ve suffered this kind of skin shredding hurt and anytime my jeans brushed up against that open sore, yow!

Finally, getting home that night I could not stand the pulsating, throbbing hotter than hell pain anymore.  I went to my sister Marianne who was reading her nursing school studies and showed her my red, pink and ugly purplish wound. Mary told me we had to tell mom and dad immediately.  She was super concerned about me getting an infection which could lead to amputation or worse.  I grudgingly agreed.

So downstairs we went. Mom and dad were equally worried and rushed me to the Elmhurst Hospital Emergency Room.  As the nurses and attending doctor carefully and thoroughly cleaned out my 15 inch seared out shin, the pain was eased by the fact that my parents were NOT mad at me and how I torched my limb.  They just wanted me to be well. 

I COULD NOT FIND A PHOTO THAT COULD EQUAL THE UGLINESS OF MY BURNT LEG, SO THIS CLASSIC ALBUM COVER FROM PINK FLOYD’S “WISH YOU WERE HERE” WILL HAVE TO DO.

A follow up doctor’s appointment a day later revealed I suffered severe second degree burns and would need to apply anti-septic foam on my shin for the next few days.  One bonus from my ‘torch the corn stalks boner’ was getting to stay home from school for a week.  I was directed to wear shorts and expose my foam glazed leg to as much fresh spring air as possible.

For five glorious days I was in our backyard on a chaise lounge reading Sports Illustrated, People magazine and Archie Comic books. I listened to music from a portable radio and had a handheld bell to ring when I wanted to call for my mom to bring me a sandwich of freshen up my lemonade. Jeez, was I spoiled kid or what?

LOOKING BACK ON MY CORN STALKS BURNING STUNT AND GLAD THAT I’M STILL ALIVE.

My wounds eventually healed. I was able to play Little League baseball once school ended and by the end of summer the burnt off hair on my right shin started to grow back.  It was no chainsaw to the head accident but still a memorable tale to recall forty four years later. 

Someday I’d like to call in my burnt leg tale to Dan Bernstein and then ask, “Was I a daredevil or dumbass?” 

And I think I know what the answer would be.

NEXT BLOG- Another cultural casualty of the Coronavirus.

What the ‘New Normal’ Will Look Like

With the gradual re-opening of the U.S. economy in various states, there are people preparing to make their way back to offices and workplaces. First, this is contingent on whether folks working from home will be allowed to continue to do so on a permanent basis. Next, being back to a regular work locale will depend on which ‘Phase’ of progress a region or a state happens to be in.  So I started to brainstorm on just a few things workers can expect to be different when they get back to their offices or other job environments in this new era of Social Distancing. 

Taking an elevator to get to your office?
Some buildings are instituting only one passenger per elevator car.  I’ve seen Taiwanese video of floor buttons to call for your elevator, the buttons inside the car are also on the floor and are tapped on by your shoe.  There’s also those little hand held poking gadgets to help avoid pressing your fingers against call buttons.

IN OUR ‘NEW NORMAL’ YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT CROWDED ELEVATORS.

Restrooms?   To keep hands off on as many things as possible, restrooms are going to need to be motion detector operated.  Sinks, urinals, stalls, etc.

Desk spacing This is already a much talked about issue.  No doubt plastic partitions will still need to go up in ‘bull pen’ areas.

Need to have a staff meeting? To observe 6 feet of social distancing, bigger conference rooms with separate entrance and exit doors will be required.

LACK OF SOCIAL DISTANCING IN A CONFERENCE ROOM IS ANOTHER CONCERN AT THE WORKPLACE.

Speaking of conference rooms. There’s no more, “It’s Bill’s birthday, come on down to the conference room and share some cake and soft drinks!”

LITTLE BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS LIKE THIS AT THE WORKPLACE? NOT GONNA HAPPEN ANYMORE.

Company coffee pot area.  Boxes of latex free rubber gloves will be needed at the coffee station, and It’s going to need to be well policed!

Water cooler talk? Keep at least six feet away from your peers which means there’ll be less office gossip; unless you want everyone in the workplace to know anything juicy that you’re talking about.

UNLESS YOU’RE STANDING AT A SAFE DISTANCE, WATER COOLER TALK IS ANOTHER THING THAT IS OVER WITH.

Sharing a company refrigerator? Nope. Workplace fridges have long been Petri dishes of disgusting smells, germs and disease. Everyone’s going to need a personal dorm sized fridge in their own office or at their desk.

WE’VE ALL SEEN GROSS AND SMELLY WORKPLACE REFRIGERATORS. I THINK EVERYONE HAVING THEIR OWN MINI-FRIDGE AT THEIR DESK OR IN THEIR OWN OFFICE WILL BE THE NORM.

What about heating up your lunch?  Workplaces will need to use microwave ovens that have the steam cleaning/self-cleaning option.

Vending machines for sweets and snacks?  Have latex free gloves ready for button pushing.

Bring a dish for office pot luck meals. Forget about that idea too.  Gone like dial up internet and VCRs.

Passing around your kids’ Girl Scout cookie order form for co-workers to sign up on?  Nope. Accept E-mail orders, pay it with cash or check that needs to be sterilized.

WHO HASN’T PASSED AROUND A GIRL SCOUT COOKIE SIGN-UP SHEET OR OTHER TYPE OF WORKPLACE PEDDLING? THAT TOO IS OVER FOLKS.

The copier room.  Only one person at a time allowed in there and a box of gloves outside the door. Glove up before using.

The office mail room.  Again, another need for loads of gloves and a one person in there at a time policy.

Inter-office romances.  Between tip toeing around harassment concerns and the whole physical distance issue, fishing off the company pier is history.

WHOA!, YOU TWO NEED TO GET A ROOM. INTER-OFFICE ROMANCES IN THE DAYS OF COVID 19 ARE DONE WITH.

Deliveries of any kind.  All incoming materials will need to be cleaned with sanitary bleach wipes.  Delivery people will also need to be temperature checked before entering an office.  Masked up, for sure!

Take your kids to work day?  Sure, just make sure they’ve been swab tested and temperature checked for Covid 19 first!

Office or work place holiday parties?  Only if you can space out the company employees in a gym sized rental space.

THE OFFICE HOLIDAY PARTY CAN STILL HAPPEN. JUST MAKE SURE YOU DO IT IN A LARGE SPACE WITH PLENTY OF ROOM FOR THE SOCIAL DISTANCING.

I’m sure there are more health and safety protocols that I’m missing but this is a start.  For those returning to the home office or workspace, there’s plenty to get ready for. Get used to it.

NEXT BLOG-  Let’s play ‘Daredevil or Dumbass.’

Remembering 6/4/84

MUSCLED UP PHYSICALLY AND WITH A NEW RECORD, BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN’S “BORN IN THE USA” ALBUM WAS ABOUT TO CHANGE HIS LIFE FOREVER.

 June 4th marked the 36th anniversary of the release of Bruce Springsteen’s biggest album ever, “Born in the U.S.A.”  Sure, the Boss was known for his “Born to Run” song and album, “Hungry Heart,” the single from “The River” plus rowdy and intense marathon live concerts, but mainstream mega-success had eluded the New Jersey singer-songwriter.

After 1980’s release of “The River”, Bruce followed up that well played concert tour with the mysteriously depressing, quiet and stark “Nebraska” album.  I actually love all the songs on “Nebraska” but it was an odd release to put out for a guy who had a top 40 hit in “Hungry Heart” and was knocking on the door of bigger things.

THE STARK AND DARK “NEBRASKA” WAS A STRANGE TURN FOR SPRINGSTEEN’S MUSIC TO TAKE AFTER THE SUCCESS OF “THE RIVER.”

A few weeks before the “Born in the USA” album came out, radio stations and record stores got the lead single, “Dancing in the Dark”.  The synth tinged pop song sounded very un-Bruce-like.  Despite the fun B side of “Pink Cadillac”, there was concern among some Springsteen fans (myself included) that maybe he’d gone soft and light on us.  I voiced doubts that “Born in the USA” would sell well among the Springsteen devotees. 

Well I was way off about this and learned how wrong my prognostication was about a few days before the album hit stores on 6/4/84.  What sold me was when I took a call from my college radio friend Dave Ross.  At the time Dave was working in promotions at 95.5 FM,WMET rock radio and they’d gotten an advance copy of the new Springsteen album.  Dave was yelling excitedly to me over the phone about what a monster record “Born in the USA” was going to be.  He was in a production studio at WMET and started needle dropping on the vinyl record, speakers blasting the music over the phone to me. I was hearing searing samples of songs like “Cover Me”, “Bobby Jean”, “No Surrender” and of course the title track “Born in the USA.”  Just catching these snippets, it became apparent that “Dancing in the Dark” was the outlier of the album and an obvious pop hook to bring in the non-Springsteen fans to the record store.  The rest of the album was straight on rock with unforgettable melodies and lyrics.

ONE OF ROCK’S MOST ICONIC ALBUMS AND ALBUM COVERS, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

On June 4th I was at a mall record store getting my copy of “Born in the USA” and that slice of vinyl stayed on my turntable for the better part of the next two years.  Bruce Springsteen, newly pumped up with muscles from extra time in the gym was also loaded with hot new songs to play for his fans on a tour that started on June 29th 1984 and landed for three shows at the Rosemont Horizon a couple weeks later.  I attended two of those Horizon shows and was blown away by Bruce’s new music along with songs from the previous years.  The E Street Band was in killer form, despite Little Steven Van Zandt leaving the group after the album was recorded to do his own solo album and tour.  Little Steven was replaced by ace guitarist Nils Lofgren and the E Street tribe added its first ever female member in New Jersey vocalist Patti Scialfa who years later would become the second Mrs. Bruce Springsteen.

BRUCE AND SOME OF THE E STREET BAND PLAYING LIVE AND TURNING ON TENS OF THOUSANDS OF CONCERT GOERS.

After seeing the first of my two Boss shows at the Horizon I was walking back to the car with a buddy, just totally exhilarated by what we saw the previous three plus hours.  I remember thinking Bruce Springsteen’s professional and personal life would never be the same again.  He was on a rocket ride that in less than a year would move his concerts from hockey arenas to huge outdoor football stadiums and beyond.  Several hit songs would be mined from “Born in the USA” and the whole world would know and understand what a big deal the working class guy from Freehold, New Jersey was. 

More than three and a half decades have since passed, and I remember those days like they just happened yesterday. 

FROM JUNE OF 1984 THROUGH THE END OF 1985, THE FOUR WORDS THAT CREATED BUZZ AND EXCITEMENT AMONG MOST ROCK FANS WERE- BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN IN CONCERT.

NEXT BLOG- A sneak peek at what the “New Normal” will look like.

Shelter in Place Stuff

Look, here’s how it is.  I stay inside a lot and I’m fine with it. To borrow a line from former Chicago Bears offensive lineman Dan Jiggetts when talking about the shelter in place lifestyle, “This is my moment. I was made for this!”  Besides teaching students online and feeding my cat ‘Trouble’ I’ve got music to listen to, TV to watch and internet surfing.  So here’s the latest I can share.

Female stars of movies, TV & music posting thirsty selfies in bikinis and underwear is out of control.  I covered this topic a couple of weeks ago but it’s a wildfire that just won’t burn out.  Put it this way, in two months of scrolling through the TMZ and Daily Mail websites for stories of interest, I’ve come across more chicks in thongs than a strip club Dee-jay sees it in ten years. 

I don’t want to list these starved for attention names anymore but country star Carrie Underwood deserves a quick note.  Carrie posted a bikini selfie then announced her fitness routine is so dedicated that she jogs in place while DOING THE LAUNDRY!  Way to inspire some women and infuriate many others Carrie. In other news, Carrie and her husband Mike Fisher will star in a four part mini-series titled “Mike & Carrie: God and Country” on the “I Am Second” You Tube channel.  They’ll discuss their marriage, the three miscarriages Carrie suffered and the couple’s differences.  I wish them the best but famous couples who take part in upfront & honest reality shows like this often see their relationships deteriorate.   

CARRIE UNDERWOOD JOGS IN PLACE WHEN DOING LAUNDRY AND THAT’S WHY SHE LOOKS LIKE THIS.

I also need to acknowledge Brooke Shields.  Getting to hang and laugh with her once many moons ago I’ve always had a soft spot for the former child star. She’s had a classy and graceful transition to adult celebrity model, actress, wife and mother and was very open about her past battles with depression. So when Brooke Shields poses in a tasteful swimsuit and looks amazing at age 54 or any age for that matter, I say way to go!

54 YEAR OLD MOTHER OF TWO DAUGHTERS, BROOKE SHIELDS LOOKS LOVELY. THOUGH I DON’T THINK SHE NEEDS TO WEAR A FANCY WATCH TO THE BEACH.

One of the ways to kill an hour or two at home is singing karaoke to pop and country instrumentals on You Tube.  With my house windows open the neighbors must think I’m nuts.  Lord knows when a local bar will be able to host a karaoke night again but when they’re ready I am too. The tunes I’ve been warbling include “Secret Agent Man”, “Little Sister”, “Son of a Son of a Sailor,” “I Knew The Bride When She Used to Rock n Roll”, Tom Petty’s “Listen to her Heart”,  Alan Jackson’s “Dallas” and Garth’s “Much Too Young to Feel This Damn Old.”

LIKE JIM CARREY IN “THE CABLE GUY” , I’VE BEEN BELTING OUT KARAOKE TUNES. THOUGH TO AN AUDIENCE OF NONE.

I’m not sure why it’s taking so long but this year’s Lollapalooza has yet to be cancelled. This is a no brainer.  Even in the non-pandemic days, this four day music fest is a Petri dish of more funkiness and germs than the Centers for Disease Control has ever seen. You take tens of thousands of drunken and stoned hacky-sack toting young people, then pen them up in a muddy field with filthy communal toilets and suspect food stands.  Sure. What could go wrong, right?

BEING A PETRI DISH FOR DOZENS OF FUNKY GERMS, THERE IS NO WAY THIS AUGUST’S LOLLAPALOOZA CAN HAPPEN. STILL, IT HAS YET TO BE CANCELED.

Finally, another music note, every Wednesday night Clint Black is hosting Facebook live chats where he answers fans’ questions and plays some of his music in acoustic style.  On June 19th Black is releasing a new album titled “Out of Sane.” I’m looking forward to hearing Clint’s take on the Harry Nilsson classic “Everybody’s Talkin’” which seems tailor made for his voice.  One of the advanced cuts out now is a fun jumping track called “My Best Thinkin’.”

CLINT BLACK HITS IT ON THE SCREWS WITH “MY BEST THINKIN’.”

 NEXT BLOG- The anniversary of a landmark album.

Catching Up While Sheltering in Place

Sheltering in place and teaching students remotely from my home computer has been the ‘new normal.’  Anyway, home teaching and school meeting coordination with no travel allows for some extra personal free time, so I’ve been catching up on some shows, movies and music I had yet to see and hear.

The first catch-up has been in binge watching the Netflix series “Ozark.”  Lots of drama and twists and I’ve always been a fan of star Laura Linney so it’s been fun. One point on co-star Jason Bateman, go to IMDB and take a look at his body of acting work in TV shows and movies, it’s more than impressive.   I’ve finally watched all 3 seasons of “Ozark” and am caught up with the rest of the viewing world.  Like everyone else hooked on this series, I can’t wait for season 4.  

CATCHING UP ON ALL 3 SEASONS OF THE FAMILY DRAMA HAS BEEN A REAL TREAT! BRING ON SEASON 4 AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

 HBO brought me Bruce Springsteen’s movie “Western Stars” which tied in to his album of the same title.  The film had a limited release last year and garnered lukewarm reviews. It is mostly a concert performance in a barn on Springsteen’s New Jersey farm. The music is lush with a full orchestra backing up the boss but there’s not a stand-out new song to be heard.  Bruce narrates personal ponderings of his own life but they offer little insight. It seemed to me like he was throwing a lot of spaghetti on a wall, hoping for some of it to stick in our minds. Sorry, it didn’t happen.  We learned much more and got more from Bruce thanks to his auto-biographical Broadway show which wrapped up at the end of 2018.  

“WESTERN STARS”- I GIVE SPRINGSTEEN CREDIT FOR TRYING SOMETHING NEW IN BOTH SOUND AND VISION, BUT IT WAS NOT WORTH HEARING OR SEEING.

One thing I’m very proud of when it comes to my Netflix watching.  I have not seen even one second of “The Tiger King” series!  Sure the rest of the world raves about how nutty and wild that show is but I have zero interest in watching it. Sorry Joe Exotic, I don’t care how controversial or crazy you are, me falling down the rabbit hole of your show is not going to happen.

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld has a new Netflix stand-up special titled “23 Hours to Kill.”  He covers and kills on topics like text messages, all you can eat buffets and porta potties.  About half of the hour long show reflects on the differences and dynamics between single and married people and there’s plenty there to get you laughing.  Seinfeld is a detailed wordsmith and at age 65 he shows no slowdown in plying his oral trade.   

MASTER COMEDIAN JERRY SEINFELD DELIVERED AGAIN WITH THIS NETFLIX SPECIAL “23 HOURS TO KILL.”

Reading all the tributes and accolades for Little Richard after his recent passing at age 87 has been a relief. The guy was one of rock’s pioneers and I’m glad younger folks who may not know much about him had a chance to learn a few things.  Little Richard’s influence on the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Elton John, James Brown, Prince and many others plus the presentation of androgyny in a performer are things that should never be forgotten. 

When I was producing the Larry Lujack show at WLS we had him on the phone to promote his role in the movie “Down and Out in Beverly Hills.”  Larry asked Richard how he’s able to sing the “woos” in his songs both old and new.  He said it came from his soul and tried to get Lujack to belt out a couple of loud “woos”!  The best Larry could do was a low key monotone “woo.”  It was hilarious to hear that exchange.  Little Richard’s passing spurred the airing of early his hits like “Rip It Up”, “Long Tall Sally”, “Lucille”, “Tutti Fruitti” & “Good Golly Miss Molly.” So I’m posting up the piano pounder’s 1986 hit from “Down and Out in Beverly Hills.”    

THE LATE GREAT LITTLE RICHARD BROUGHT US SO MANY ROCK CLASSICS AND THIS MID-80’S SONG PROVED THE GUY STILL HAD PLENTY OF FUEL IN HIS TANK.

One more musical item to cover is the latest single from country superstar Luke Combs.  A timely song titled “Six Feet Apart.” Back when 9/11 happened, Alan Jackson eloquently touched what millions of Americans thought and experienced with the song “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning.”  In a simpler but still effective way, Combs’ newly written track expresses similar pathos with “Six Feet Apart.” We can all identify with the emotions of frustration and wanting that this bastard virus has turned our thoughts to. Well done Luke Combs!    

LUKE COMBS “SIX FEET APART” PRETTY MUCH CAPTURES HOW SO MANY OF US FEEL RIGHT NOW WHILE LIVING IN A SOCIAL DISTANCED SHELTERED IN PLACE WORLD.

NEXT BLOG- Some more Covid 19 related observations.