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It was five years ago, Tuesday September 1^st 2015, when Fox Lake Police Lieutenant Joe Gliniewicz, was found shot to death in a remote spot of the Village he patrolled.  This was a major story on the TV news with reporters, helicopters and drones covering every aspect of the situation.  I was working from home at this time and watched all reports that came in every day on the news.

That morning at 7:52 a.m. Gliniewicz (nicknamed G.I.Joe for his macho gung ho law enforcement style) radioed in he was pursuing three suspicious men near an abandoned cement plant in a marshy area of Fox Lake.  This locale was a minor crime area, the worst things happening being an occasional broken window and low money weed dealing.

Three minutes later, Gliniewicz made his last radio call as he asked that back-ups should be brought in for support.  G.I. Joe calmly told the dispatcher,”Yeah, you better start someone.”  Officers were on the scene in less than five minutes and after seeing their fellow officer’s empty car they did a search of the road and weeds to find Lieutenant Gliniewicz’s lifeless body with a gunshot wound to his torso. 

Five years ago this week Fox Lake Police Lieutenant Joe Gliniewicz was found shot to death while on patrol. His ‘story’ never added up.

In short time FBI & ATF agents and nearby county and city cops spread out in a two mile perimeter to close in on the killers.  Hundreds of law enforcement men and women were on this case.  Less than twelve hours later, two thirds of this manpower was called off.  There was still a pursuit for the shooting suspects but it appeared to be less intense. 

This is when my spider sense started tingling.  There were cop killers on the loose, why not go full bore to finding them?  Earlier that summer two convicted murderers (but not cop killers) escaped from an upstate New York prison and were on the run for over three weeks before one was killed in a shoot-out and the other was apprehended.  The manpower and intensity of that tracking was much bigger than that for the now dead Fox Lake police officer.

There was confusion of whether G.I.Joe’s service revolver was taken by the killers and who owned the gun found near his body.  All that takes is a 30 second call or text to dispatch to check the .40 caliber gun’s serial number to confirm or deny if this was the cop’s pistol.  Again, there was more curiosity on my part.

On the second day after Gliniewicz’s death the exact area where his body was found was re-visited by investigators.  They used a weed whip to clip down the high grass in search of more evidence.  THIS time they cordoned off the spot with police tape and barricades. Why didn’t do this from the start?  More bad smells of curiosity were coming to me.

It was reported that the suspects had to have escaped on foot, their exit route was limited to one dusty road. Everywhere else was a marshy mess. By Friday September 4^th, after reviewing the timeline of events and checking out the terrain with Google Earth as well as news footage, I came to the conclusion that Officer G.I. Joe Gliniewicz had taken his own life.  I would never waver from this hypothesis. 

Every few days there would be new updates on the case that would further make my case for suicide.  This was way before learning about Gliniewicz’s extremely messed up disciplinary reports on his employment.  Those details would not come out for weeks and after hearing about his drunk driving, threats to peers and numerous reprimands and suspensions from work I couldn’t believe this guy was still a Fox Lake cop let alone a lieutenant almost ready for retirement!

I kept telling friends, including my next door neighbor who is a part time policeman that nothing in this case added up.  Officer Gliniewicz was a fitness buff, super tough and street wise; yet he lets three young men grab his own gun and shoot him twice? The first bullet mostly hit his bulletproof vest and the fatal shot went under his vest and into his chest quickly ending his life. This was beyond reasonable doubts and highly unlikely.  

One big shoe to drop was a week in to the investigation when the three “suspicious men” G.I. Joe was tracking were cleared of any wrongdoing.  At the time of the ‘murder’ the trio were eating at a nearby restaurant.  There was security camera footage, eyewitnesses and a time stamped dining receipt to confirm their innocence. Upon hearing this I got the sick feeling that Gliniewicz must have seen these three men not too far from where he shot himself and planned to pin his ‘murder’ on them.  Two months later I was proven right.

I don’t want to get much into the pomp of G.I. Joe’s wake and funeral.  Of course his services were a major local and national story with police from all over the country in attendance to honor the fallen officer. Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner ordered flags to be lowered to half staff.     

The Village of Fox Lake called on all citizens to contribute money for G.I. Joe’s widow Melodie and his family. Everyone stepped up in grand fashion.  Over the next several weeks there were countless fundraising events for the Gliniewicz family happening all over Lake County, every one of them attended by his widow and children.  Forgive the cynicism but to me it seemed like a frantic cash grab, especially considering G.I. Joe was supposedly killed in the line of duty and a major insurance pay-out would be coming to his Mrs. G.I. Joe and family.  This all led to more curiosity on my part.

When talking to the press, Lake County officials insisted there were signs of a struggle at the death scene.  It was reported Gliniewicz’s can of pepper spray was on the ground near his body as was his police baton, as if there was a battle.  So you’re dealing with three guys and you try out the spray and baton but not your gun? This doesn’t add up!

It was known that for years Lieutenant Joe Gliniewicz ran Fox Lake’s Explorers youth group and he would stage crime scenes to show the kids how police investigations work.  So my thinking was, “I bet this guy staged his own crime scene!”

Two more puzzle pieces kicked in.  First there was Lake County coroner Dr. Thomas Rudd who told the press he could not rule out suicide in G.I.Joe’s death.  This created a major hubbub among the village and county officers.  There were rumors some Fox Lake officers first on the crime scene knew right away this was a staged scene and that county officials were purposely dragging their feet to arrive at the same conclusion.  More bad smells for sure.

The other puzzle piece was watching the Channel 9 Morning News as former U.S. Marshall turned security consultant John O’Malley became a frequent on set guest to discuss the Gliniewicz case.  Since the second week in September, former Marshal O’Malley would answer questions on new developments of the story; then he said the same words I did about this mystery, “It just didn’t add up.”  I was tracking the same way as an expert lawman.  

It wouldn’t be until November 4^th at a stunning press conference that the entire Joe Gliniewicz story would unfold.  He shot himself and staged it to look like a death in the line of duty; all to stop an investigation into years of money grabbing corruption from the Fox Lake Explorer’s Club.  There were audits and inquiries hanging over G.I. Joe’s head and more ugliness and pilfering than anyone could imagine.  To this day his widow Melodie faces legal charges of being in on her husband’s scams.

I look back at this story with sadness for the thousands of people in Fox Lake and surrounding areas who were to no fault of their own, taken in by the story of a disgraced and corrupt cop.

There’s also the self-satisfaction of me knowing pretty much from the get-go that there was way more to Lieutenant Gliniewicz’s story than what was first believed.  I’ve always had a good bullshit detector, something I inherited from my late mother. If she were alive when this story happened, she would have seen the same story I did. 

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG- Some stories behind popular songs

Back from a month and a half break. I literally watched my summer go by.  With no place to swim, few places to hang out with friends and little else going on, this bastard virus as I call it, kept me sheltered in the house to watch hours and hours of TV.  Worst of all, staying in so much I got practically no tan at all. 

Following the passing of comedy legend Carl Reiner I re-watched almost every Dick Van Dyke episode ever aired.  Mr. Reiner made countless big impacts in all aspects of funny business but the adventures of Rob, Laura and Richie Petrie, Buddy, Sally, Mel Cooley and Alan Brady were high water marks in television. My favorite episodes are still the Walnuts one and the time Laura outed Alan Brady’s toupee secret.

HBO’s six part docu-series “I’ll Be Gone in the Dark” was a gripping real life drama.  Author Michelle McNamara, wife of comedian/actor Patton Oswalt was in the midst of writing a true crime novel about tracking California’s murderous ‘East Side Rapist.’ Sadly, Michelle passed away from an accidental drug overdose before the decades long assaulting man was arrested and convicted. However, her years long dogged work set the table for finding this rapist/killer. Ms. McNamara’s letter to the killer, written not long before her passing, predicted how things would end for him. It is spooky how her prophecy came true, almost word for word!

 ESPN kept re-running a 2018 Eagles concert that was fun to delve into.  The late Glenn Frey’s son Deacon and Vince Gill ably filled out the band and the 2 ½ hour show was worth several viewings.  With sports I’ve been watching some of the Sox and Cubs baseball but without the fans and the many game postponements due to the Covid virus, this 60 game season is the definition of an outlier.

Thanks to Netflix I caught up on all past seasons of Jerry Seinfeld’s “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.”  His two episodes with the late Bob Einstein (AKA Super Dave Osbourne) are as gut busting hilarious as it gets.

As far as new movies, the only one I watched and it was free via my service was “The Rental.”  In the vein of newer thrillers like “Get Out” and “Us” this one is about two couples who rent a beautiful home for a getaway weekend and come upon conflicts with each other and a mysterious killer.   And yes, besides swimming at East End Pool, I really missed going to the local theater to watch new films.

 Outside of TV watching, I enjoyed checking out songs I never heard before. 2019’s “I Hope” by Gabby Barrett was a great find for me. (I hate being late to the prom on these cuts) The ever popular Luke Combs posted a new song titled “Cold as You” but since Nashville recording studios are shut down, he recorded only an acoustic version.  I look forward to a full on band record of it at some point.

One thing I did not do was the final edit of my book, “Raised on the Radio.”  There was plenty of time but getting so wrapped up in the daily virus news coverage and taking needed breaks for laughs on shows just deflated any ambition I had to punch up my memoir.  In these crazy times, I’m actually O.K. with this.

At least twice a week I supported local businesses by ordering take-out meals. Every delivery was contact free and well executed.  I also saw the tearing down of four homes on my block as a large flood mitigation drainage project is about 75% completed.  It’s been loud, dusty and inconvenient but will benefit over 90 homes in the area when finished. 

Finally, the real highlight of my summer was I stayed healthy and Covid free. Without symptoms, I still got a swab test and in less than two days learned I was negative.  Not everyone can say that and my heart breaks for those affected with deaths and long illnesses from this bastard virus.

So what will happen come the summer of 2021? What shit storms will we deal with?   Who knows? But here’s hoping it’s a healthier and happier one for all.  And maybe I’ll get back my tan.

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG- The 5 year anniversary when I played true detective.

My summer break from teaching is here. Actually, it started last Friday at 3 pm so I’ve had a few days to figure out plans for the coming weeks. First, let me say that like all teachers and others working in education I really hope we can get back in the classroom with our students in August. Remote education was better than no education but nothing beats face to face, in person classes. I miss the students and the students miss us.  At our school, we teachers and support staff have already set up our rooms for the 2020-2021 school year, to the extent that we can.  Totally new protocols and plans for reintegration will be announced before the school year begins.   

A year ago at this time, I had a summer of swimming at East End Pool, seeing new movies in theaters and socializing with friends on my agenda.  This year, well, you get it, without me needing to rehash all the changes in our lives.

So what to do with my down time?  First off, I’m giving my radio memoir “Raised on the Radio” a final edit. Why has this project taken so long to finish?  Because it’s MY story, my life and it needs to be told just right. Of anything I ever publish, this book has to be letter perfect. 

All the stories I want to share are already in the book.  However I need to punch up and enhance some of the text.  Working in radio for twenty years was a total blast! Still, there are spots where I don’t convey that mood of fun and enjoyment.  I’m close, but I need to get there all the way.  Think of it as if you’re tuning a radio to an FM channel and you hear the music playing but with one little tweak of the dial, Boom!  The song’s sound comes across so strong that it knocks you off your feet.  Or for stereo buffs, think of your music sounding good but with the help of an equalizer, the sounds are brought out even bigger.

After “Raised on the Radio” is completed, I outlined some short stories I want to write and post up on this blog, in serial form. 

Outside of the literary works, once they’re open, I might get to the local cinemas to see a movie or two.  I’ve already seen a couple of new films On Demand. While the twenty dollar price is high, when watching at home, I do save on not ordering fifteen dollars worth of popcorn, soft drinks and tip to a server, so the money pretty much evens out.

 There are Netflix shows to catch up on, including stand-up comedy specials and documentaries. (Still haven’t bitten into “Tiger King” and I won’t) By late July there MIGHT be major league baseball for me to watch again and I will.  I’ve been binge watching reruns of “Shark Tank” episodes. For their first couple of seasons I was a devoted fan but kind of trailed off on that show, so now most “Shark Tank” reruns are new to me.     

As far as swimming goes, the pools are shut down so I’m looking to get out for a few lake swims somewhere. Much of that is dependent on what progress is made in keeping Coronavirus case numbers down.  I miss the water and really miss my ‘Summer Family’ at East End Pool. I considered getting a blow-up pool for the backyard.  Then the thought of seeing a grown man flop around in a little kiddie pool seemed,.wrong.

Shaggy hair and a fuzzy beard are signs for me to get my summer buzz hair-cut and buy a new electric razor.  I’m also pricing new computers with a web cam and other tech upgrades.

That’s the total sum of my summer plans folks.  We’ve been forced to lower our levels of fun and engagement and hope like hell that a safe and effective virus vaccine one day happens.  If a preventive measure from this bastard virus can be in place by next spring, great.  Otherwise, I might have to order that inflatable kiddie pool. God help us!

FYI-  I’M GOING TO TAKE ABOUT 6 WEEKS OFF FROM BLOGGING.  STAY SAFE & HEALTHY AND ENJOY WHAT YOU CAN OF THE SUMMER OF 2020.   

   

Before this bastard Covid 19 virus came into our lives, we all HAD lives.  We had places we went, things we saw, things we did and things we enjoyed or suffered through.  With that said, let’s play another round of ‘Have You Ever’? 

So read the questions, mark down which ones you’ve done in your past and no fair peeking at your neighbor’s paper!

HAVE YOU EVER:

DELIVERED A EULOGY?

BEEN A PALLBEARER?

SERVED ON A JURY?

RECEIVED AN HONORARY DEGREE?

DONATED BLOOD?

HAVE YOU EVER:

KISSED A FAMOUS PERSON? 

BEEN INTERVIEWED OR FEATURED ON TV?

WON A PRIZE FROM A RADIO STATION CONTEST?

TAKEN PART IN A 12 STEP PROGRAM?

HAD A SURPRISE PARTY THROWN FOR YOU?

HAVE YOU EVER:

MENTORED A YOUNG PERSON? (NOT INCLUDING YOUR OWN KIDS)

BROKEN UP SOMEONE’S MARRIAGE?

BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR SETTING UP TWO PEOPLE WHO MARRIED?

BEEN A BEST MAN OR MAID OF HONOR?

GONE ON A BLIND DATE?

HAVE YOU EVER:

HAD SEX ON THE JOB?

BAILED SOMEONE OUT OF JAIL?

WORKED AS AN ELECTION JUDGE?

SIGNED UP TO BE AN ORGAN DONOR?

TESTIFIED AT A TRIAL OR DEPOSITION?

WRAP-UP-I can say “Yes” to 13 of these 20 items. And since it’s not scandalous I’ll admit to sharing hello/goodbye kisses with Nora Dunn, Tanya Tucker and Wynonna Judd…but not at the same time.

NEXT BLOG: My plans for summer, limited as they may be.

The majority of American states that ‘opened up’ their economy and loosened public restrictions are now seeing surges and spikes in new cases of what I call this “bastard virus.”  Forget the arguments of ‘there’s more testing’ so we now have more cases.  When people feel symptoms and even when they don’t, they’re going to get tested.  Keep in mind our nation’s leader says forget the testing and we won’t see spikes in virus numbers.  That’s like me saying if I don’t get on the bathroom scale anymore then I won’t have a weight problem.

The state of Illinois is about to hit Phase 4 this Friday as we get back to some semblance of ‘normal.’  Virus cases are down, social distancing is being followed and I sure as shit hope when this new ‘opening up’ happens that we don’t see a big rise in cases.   However, I won’t be surprised to see virus cases increase to bigger numbers in the Land of Lincoln.  I’m not being a pessimist, just a realist. My reasoning is simple.  While opening businesses and allowing people to “live again’ is great, I expect many folks will let things slide.  Things like mask wearing, hand washing, social distancing and all other elements that help prevent the spread of COVID 19, can easily go by the wayside.  Personally, in my suburban hamlet, I’m already seeing too many people in public not wearing masks. I keep thinking, “Please don’t get this virus and if you have it, don’t spread it to others!”

I mentioned getting on a bathroom scale.  Dealing with the COVID 19 pandemic reminds me of the challenge of weight loss.  The diet industry is a mega-billion dollar business because when folks shed some pounds and start looking and feeling better, what do they do next? They gradually backslide to their old habits.  A fat juicy burger here, a high calorie dessert there and pretty soon it’s, “Goodbye Jenny Craig, hello again to previously worn fat clothes.” There is no lower feeling then having to go in the closet and throw back on the old fat clothes!  Trust me, as a lifelong loser and gainer of many pounds, I know what I speak of and so do millions of other weight loss failures.

When Phase 4 of the Restore Illinois plan begins, I worry that more masks will come off, there’ll be reckless crowding up in bars & other social gatherings, then before you know it, people will be getting fevers, sore throats and body aches. Next, they’ll get tested and flagged for the virus.  It is human nature to relax and let up when things are going well and that is exactly what is happening with the spiking of virus cases in other states. 

There’s an old saying, “Change happens in an instant, it’s the resistance to change that’s hard to overcome.”  Yes, right now many of us have changed our lives. We’ve sheltered in place and worked to observe social distancing.  However, when more public spaces open and opportunities to gather with others increases, that is when the ‘resistance’ to change can creep in on us.  The letting up and relaxing of one’s guard in weight loss or this bastard virus brings about an inevitable return to bad news.  

I WANT to be proven wrong.  So when phase 4 starts this week, work hard to avoid the expected backslide.  If you venture out to be social again, mask up and be safe, not stupid.  Until a proven vaccine is developed and properly distributed, this ballgame is not and will not be over. 

As things look brighter, stay vigilant and overcome that resistance to change.  Don’t let yourself backslide. Otherwise we’re gonna have to go back to putting on our old fat clothes,.. again!

NEXT BLOG: We’ll play a new round of ‘Have You Ever’?

With the exception of this crazy ‘shelter in place/quarantine’ time that we now live in, every year there’s speculation over which films are going to be the summer blockbusters.  However, the motion pictures that were specifically released to draw in big crowds in the warm weather months never started until forty five years ago.  Before there was “ Star Wars,”“Jurassic Park,”  “Guardians of the Galaxy” or even “Toy Story 3” there was one movie that woke up Hollywood executives to the box office money that was to be made between Memorial Day and mid-September.  That movie was the Stephen Spielberg directed “Jaws” which was based on the bestselling book written by Peter Benchley.

“Jaws” plunged into theaters on June 20^th 1975 and for the next three months it spawned nonstop lines of moviegoers wrapped around the outside of cinemas waiting to get the crap scared out of them.  Kids were off for summer break and their parents also wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

In the spring of 1974 Stephen Spielberg was no big deal in show business and there are stories of how during the making of “Jaws” his job was on the line many times.  At the time Spielberg had no clue about how technically difficult it was to film this movie in the ocean off the coast of Martha’s Vineyard.  Nowadays filming like that is made in a giant manmade pool or tank with plenty of CGI effects. 

Fast forward a year later, I remember being at the local Dominick’s with my parents after church one Sunday.  Browsing the rack of paperback books, I picked up “Jaws” because the cover picture of an attacking shark looked cool. My parents bought it for me and in a matter of two days I gobbled through every page!  My mom saw how into this book I was and agreed to let me stay home from school on that Monday so I could finish the tale about a man eating Great White Shark .  

A month later it’s mid-June of ’75 and I’d just graduated from 8^th grade. “Jaws” was coming to local theaters on Friday June 20^th and my parents took me and my sister Marianne to see it that Sunday June 22^nd.  Like most new movies at the time, the early buzz on “Jaws” was minimal. This was decades before social media and the way one tweet or one online report could light up the entire world. Despite this lack of instant enlightenment, I still thought the theater would be crowded and told my folks we needed to get to the Yorktown Cinema an hour before the first show began. They thought I was nuts but went along with my idea.  We got our tickets (top price was $2.50) and sat on padded benches in the lobby with no other customers in sight.  My mom kept saying coming early was a waste of time. Then almost on cue, the place quickly filled up with ticket buyers and we were in the front of the line of a sold-out theater.  See?  Maybe every once in awhile young son knows something!

Once the usher opened the velvet rope, we staked out seats about halfway between the front and back of the auditorium.  For the next 124 minutes my family along with the sold-out house were thrilled by this now classic drama. The shark attacks and the chases for the beast were like nothing I’d ever seen before. Still, the most captivating scene was when craggy Captain Quint shared with Brody and Hooper his terrifying survival of the sinking of the USS Indianapolis during World War 2. When Quint wraps up his sharks encounter story by saying, “I’ll never put on a life jacket again,” we understand why.

“Jaws” was the first time I read a book before watching the story unfold on the big screen.  After seeing the film I saw the differences between what was written on the paperback’s pages and what was in the motion picture.  This happens often and I enjoyed both the book and film equally, despite those differences.   

“Jaws” had a filming budget of seven million dollars. The total earnings for that opening weekend totaled seven million and sixty thousand dollars.  In the U.S. it would end up grossing over 260 million dollars and worldwide it cleared 471 million.  Keep in mind that’s not including all the sales of videocassette, DVDs, sequels, side products and merchandising.  The decades long influence of “Jaws” cannot be underestimated.  Heck without “Jaws,” the Discovery channel probably wouldn’t even have their annual ‘Shark Week.’

Years later, author Peter Benchley said he regretted writing the book because it inspired many people to hunt and kill Great Whites and other sharks.  Still, without the book you don’t have the thrilling movie and all the interest and entertainment it’s brought us for almost half a century. 

And we wouldn’t have carefully planned out summer blockbuster movies either.

NEXT BLOG- Preparing for Illinois’ Phase 4.

This Sunday is Father’s Day. My dad’s last Father’s Day was in June of 1993 and two months later he passed away from cancer.  I always miss him but there are so many great memories of Kenneth Robert Kahler. I thought I’d share a few of them.

OCTOBER OF 1978 I was working at the White Castle alongside Linda, my supervisor. She was cute, in her early 30’s, married and well liked by all. So one Sunday afternoon my mom and dad drove to the Castle in their respective cars. Mom waited in her ride and dad came in to drop me off keys to his car which he left in the parking lot. After my shift, I was set to take friends to a Blackhawks game while he and mom had other plans. So pop handed me the keys, told me to have fun and was out the door in less than a minute.  As he walked out, Linda asked me who that guy was. I said, “That’s my pop.”  She replied, “Very good looking man.” Linda didn’t mean it some sleazy way. She was sincere and coming from an attractive woman, her compliment meant even more.  I stood there for a second, then said, “You know, I never thought of that before, but you’re right!  My dad is a good looking guy.”  The next day I shared that anecdote with dad and he smiled broadly.  I’m not sure if and when any of us deem our parents as attractive, but it’s nice when others do.    

 FEBRUARY OF 1979  One day my mom told me of a specific Sunday that I needed to ask to have off from working at White Castle.  She said dad had a “hockey surprise” for me. I arranged to take that day off and checked the Blackhawks home schedule but they did not have a home game on this particular date.  I didn’t press my pop for more details and decided to just go with the flow.  The night of our outing as we pulled up to of all places the Mill Run Theater in Niles. I learned it wasn’t a “hockey” surprise but a “comedy” surprise.  Dad took me out to see comedian George Carlin in concert!  We both listened to and liked my Carlin albums but I had no idea he was coming to town for a show.  My father must’ve seen an ad in the paper for the concert and got us tickets.  How many teens can say their dad is so cool he took you out to enjoy the bawdy, downright dirty comedy of George Carlin? That was my pop, quietly cool and fun. And we had a belly laughing riot at that show!

JANUARY OF 1986 By this time I was working for about ten months in Chicago radio as Larry Lujack’s producer at WLS in what was a dream job. I’d been out of college less than two years and was paying back my school student loans for a little over a year.  My monthly payment was eighty dollars a month and while the total balance was not an insane amount like college grads face today, I still had some years of payments to go. One night dad came down to my room and asked for my student loan payment book.  I asked why and he said, “Because from now on, I’m covering your school loan.”  This news floored me, I mean dad and mom had already helped me plenty with money as I navigated through five years of higher education and now he was offering more! My dad’s rationale was he didn’t want to see me saddled with any debts. He encouraged me to enjoy the money I was making in radio and of course save a bit of it as well.  I never asked for this help but again, it showed the simple thoughtfulness my father often brought to my life.

SOMETIME IN THE MID 80’S- While my passion for movies came from both my parents, it was my dad who was the supreme film fanatic.  I could never count all the first run flicks we saw together and the classic movies he showed me on late night TV and video.  Films like “A Face in the Crowd”, “The Hustler” and “Citizen Kane” leap to mind.  Anyway, one night it was my turn to show my dad a movie he’d never seen before. I rented “Caddyshack” and pop loved it. I watched it many times before but to see him crack up at Rodney Dangerfield’s one liners and the rest of the movie was a real kick.  The ultimate was seeing dad hoot, howl and belly laugh during the whole “Baby Ruth” candy bar in the pool bit.  My pop’s hysterics reached their peak when Bill Murray bit into that chocolate log.  I will never ever forget how funny it was to see pop go so nuts for that scene.  Even as I’m writing this his laughs are echoing in my head. 

I love and miss you pop, Happy Father’s Day to all!

NEXT BLOG-  Remembering the first ever summer blockbuster movie.

The deaths, illnesses and financial disasters caused by the Coronavirus pandemic are beyond explanation.  Who ever thought something so awful would hit our planet?  So as a pre-cursor to this blog, I want to acknowledge the tragedy that has plagued the human race.  God bless all who’ve been affected in such profound ways.  Stay safe and keep looking out for each other!

Now on to today’s blog-

There are hundreds of changes in our lives that either have been made or are coming due to what I call this “Bastard virus.”  Masks, rubber gloves, hand sanitizers, temperature checks, social distancing, oh hell, you know the drill.  

For some unknown reason I recently focused on a game that has probably ended forever, or at least until a surefire virus vaccine is produced and properly distributed.  No, it’s not baseball, football, basketball, soccer, hockey or even Twister.  I’m talking about the drinking game Quarters.  In this age of germ and virus worry and warfare, Quarters now is a no go.

For those uneducated or uncultured, “Quarters” was a fun social drinking game played mostly by college aged kids and some irresponsible post college aged adults.  Wikipedia incorrectly reports this skill and slurp game was invented in 1987.  Sorry, Quarters started WAY before then because I began competing in 1979 and drinkers much older than I were doing it for years before then. And for the record, I haven’t played Quarters in at least twenty years.

Different regions and players have variances on the way to play Quarters but here’s how I knew the game to be played.  A group of five or six (didn’t really matter) people sit around a hard flat table, no obstructions, with a load of cold beer at the ready.  A glass (usually highball style) was filled halfway up with brew. Then each contestant took turns bouncing a quarter on its flat end on the table in an effort to sink it in the glass of brew.  If he or she made the shot, they got to designate who in the group had to drink the beer.  One small rule we had on this ‘designation’ was when pointing at the person who had to drink, you had to do it with your elbow.  If you forgot to do that then YOU had to drink that beer.

The drinker was expected to quickly suck down the beer and as the last drops slid in their mouth they were to catch that sunken quarter in their teeth. Some folks played where if you messed up on the quarter in the teeth catch, they had to half fill up the glass and drink again.  We normally did not play by this rule. For us, trapping the quarter in our teeth was just a cute way of saying, “Ta Da”!

After each attempt at bounce, drop and drink, it was then the next person’s turn at the table to take their try at launching the quarter into a beer and getting someone else to drink it down.  This was a game that could go on for hours, depending on the amount of malt pops on hand, the ability to hold one’s alcohol and of course, bladder capacity.  Most players required at least a couple of trips to the bathroom to empty out the consumed beer but taking a pee did not get you kicked out of the game.  It was a necessary time-out.

Besides the guzzling of beer from the quarter contained beer glass, most players also had their own bottle, can or cup of drink to enjoy during the friendly competition.  Some would smoke cigarettes during Quarters, others would smoke something stronger but that never made sense to me; seemed like overkill on a nice buzz.  The bottom line it was a fun social game full of laughs, jokes and yeah, getting a bit loaded.

In modern days, the big college age drinking game is Beer Pong.  Meh. Beep Pong  is played in teams of at least two players per side if not more.  That’s for wimps, who need to lean on others to win. With Quarters, everyone is reliant on their own skills and that’s the way to go.  Put it this way, Jewel and 7-11 sell Beer Pong kits with cups and ping pong balls.  Kits!  That seems too contrived for a drinking game.

So why is Quarters now a game of the past?  Think of our now socially distanced lives: Several folks during a crowded party are huddled close together at a table. They’re bouncing the same quarter in a glass that they all drink beer from and trapping that twenty five cent piece in their mouth.  Oh, and they’re not wearing protective masks!

Quarters, you were fun while you lasted.

NEXT BLOG- Fond memories of my father.

Dan Bernstein the mid-day host at 670 Am WSCR sometimes asks listeners to phone in their experiences of crazy antics and injuries during a segment called ‘Daredevil or Dumbass.’  Once a story is told to the Score host, the question is then asked and answered, ‘Is this person a Daredevil or Dumbass?’ 

Anyway, a recent show-biz news story made me curious. Last week Academy Award winning actress Cate Blanchett suffered an injury to her head, with a chainsaw!  What? 

Ms. Blanchett was interviewed on a podcast and said, “I had a bit of a chainsaw accident yesterday which sounds very, very exciting but it wasn’t. Apart from the little nick to my head, we’re fine,” Cate assured, without revealing exactly what she was doing with the mechanical tool. I wondered if Ms.Blanchett was being a daredevil or a dumbass. We may never know.

This brings me to my own harrowing tale of injury.  Probably the worst one I ever suffered. It was the spring of 1976.  One Saturday afternoon I was in the backyard with my friend Mark Fredriksen.  My task was to burn off some dried up cornstalks from my mom’s previous summer garden harvest.  There were about a dozen stalks in a pile and the fire we started on them was going slow, too slow.

So what did I do to speed up the burning? Add some gas to the fire, literally.  I took a Styrofoam cup went to the garage and filled the cup to the top with lawnmower gasoline from a one gallon can.  I carefully poured half of the cup of gas on the fire and things started to cook up nicely. Bright yellow flames were jumping and darting. Next, for some unknown reason I stood on top of the burning stalks, to the side of the crackling fire and poured the rest of the gas on the pile. Unfortunately, as I poured out that petrol a gust of wind blew some gas on my right pant leg and the fire lit up and put my leg ablaze!

I screamed, leapt out of that pile and pulled my jeans down to my Converse gym shoes right there in the yard!  Mark was stunned and kept asking if I was O.K.  I was not. The pants drop put out the fire.  I surveyed the damage and saw the skin on my shin from the ankle up to my knee was a burned and seared off mess. Add to this, the smell of my leg hair burning up was sickening.  Oh, and the pain of all this was awful!

As if this burned up leg wasn’t enough, I next chose to NOT let my parents know about my injury. I was embarrassed and figured they’d be pissed at what I did to incur this awful burn. All Mark and I did was rinse some dangling toasted loose skin off my leg with water from the side yard hose then gingerly pulled up my Levis and act as if nothing happened. 

We even went to a friend’s house that night to play a few hours of cards.  As I sat in Henry French’s family rec room playing blackjack, five card stud, and jacks or better to open poker, I could feel the ache of the burn with every beat of my heart. You don’t know agony until you’ve suffered this kind of skin shredding hurt and anytime my jeans brushed up against that open sore, yow!

Finally, getting home that night I could not stand the pulsating, throbbing hotter than hell pain anymore.  I went to my sister Marianne who was reading her nursing school studies and showed her my red, pink and ugly purplish wound. Mary told me we had to tell mom and dad immediately.  She was super concerned about me getting an infection which could lead to amputation or worse.  I grudgingly agreed.

So downstairs we went. Mom and dad were equally worried and rushed me to the Elmhurst Hospital Emergency Room.  As the nurses and attending doctor carefully and thoroughly cleaned out my 15 inch seared out shin, the pain was eased by the fact that my parents were NOT mad at me and how I torched my limb.  They just wanted me to be well. 

A follow up doctor’s appointment a day later revealed I suffered severe second degree burns and would need to apply anti-septic foam on my shin for the next few days.  One bonus from my ‘torch the corn stalks boner’ was getting to stay home from school for a week.  I was directed to wear shorts and expose my foam glazed leg to as much fresh spring air as possible.

For five glorious days I was in our backyard on a chaise lounge reading Sports Illustrated, People magazine and Archie Comic books. I listened to music from a portable radio and had a handheld bell to ring when I wanted to call for my mom to bring me a sandwich of freshen up my lemonade. Jeez, was I spoiled kid or what?

My wounds eventually healed. I was able to play Little League baseball once school ended and by the end of summer the burnt off hair on my right shin started to grow back.  It was no chainsaw to the head accident but still a memorable tale to recall forty four years later. 

Someday I’d like to call in my burnt leg tale to Dan Bernstein and then ask, “Was I a daredevil or dumbass?” 

And I think I know what the answer would be.

NEXT BLOG- Another cultural casualty of the Coronavirus.

With the gradual re-opening of the U.S. economy in various states, there are people preparing to make their way back to offices and workplaces. First, this is contingent on whether folks working from home will be allowed to continue to do so on a permanent basis. Next, being back to a regular work locale will depend on which ‘Phase’ of progress a region or a state happens to be in.  So I started to brainstorm on just a few things workers can expect to be different when they get back to their offices or other job environments in this new era of Social Distancing. 

Taking an elevator to get to your office?
Some buildings are instituting only one passenger per elevator car.  I’ve seen Taiwanese video of floor buttons to call for your elevator, the buttons inside the car are also on the floor and are tapped on by your shoe.  There’s also those little hand held poking gadgets to help avoid pressing your fingers against call buttons.

Restrooms?   To keep hands off on as many things as possible, restrooms are going to need to be motion detector operated.  Sinks, urinals, stalls, etc.

Desk spacing This is already a much talked about issue.  No doubt plastic partitions will still need to go up in ‘bull pen’ areas.

Need to have a staff meeting? To observe 6 feet of social distancing, bigger conference rooms with separate entrance and exit doors will be required.

Speaking of conference rooms. There’s no more, “It’s Bill’s birthday, come on down to the conference room and share some cake and soft drinks!”

Company coffee pot area.  Boxes of latex free rubber gloves will be needed at the coffee station, and It’s going to need to be well policed!

Water cooler talk? Keep at least six feet away from your peers which means there’ll be less office gossip; unless you want everyone in the workplace to know anything juicy that you’re talking about.

Sharing a company refrigerator? Nope. Workplace fridges have long been Petri dishes of disgusting smells, germs and disease. Everyone’s going to need a personal dorm sized fridge in their own office or at their desk.

What about heating up your lunch?  Workplaces will need to use microwave ovens that have the steam cleaning/self-cleaning option.

Vending machines for sweets and snacks?  Have latex free gloves ready for button pushing.

Bring a dish for office pot luck meals. Forget about that idea too.  Gone like dial up internet and VCRs.

Passing around your kids’ Girl Scout cookie order form for co-workers to sign up on?  Nope. Accept E-mail orders, pay it with cash or check that needs to be sterilized.

The copier room.  Only one person at a time allowed in there and a box of gloves outside the door. Glove up before using.

The office mail room.  Again, another need for loads of gloves and a one person in there at a time policy.

Inter-office romances.  Between tip toeing around harassment concerns and the whole physical distance issue, fishing off the company pier is history.

Deliveries of any kind.  All incoming materials will need to be cleaned with sanitary bleach wipes.  Delivery people will also need to be temperature checked before entering an office.  Masked up, for sure!

Take your kids to work day?  Sure, just make sure they’ve been swab tested and temperature checked for Covid 19 first!

Office or work place holiday parties?  Only if you can space out the company employees in a gym sized rental space.

I’m sure there are more health and safety protocols that I’m missing but this is a start.  For those returning to the home office or workspace, there’s plenty to get ready for. Get used to it.

NEXT BLOG-  Let’s play ‘Daredevil or Dumbass.’