Warning: For those who are squeamish around bare feet, the following blog may be disturbing. (Lord knows it was hard for me to write)
The warm weather is here and it’s time to re-visit my barefoot phobia. Regular readers know about my issue with naked, exposed dogs. Facebook friends are hip to my foot aversion, often posting on my page pics of ugly feet or those novelty rubber shoes that masquerade as normal looking feet in sandals. They think it’s funny, I tolerate it but don’t need to see any more of the same.
Feet are the least attractive part of the human anatomy. I don’t care how ‘cute’ or ‘well shaped’ or ‘meticulously pedicured’ someone’s lower extremities are, they’re still not good looking. Now that the outside temperatures are going up, everyone is out and about in their flip flops and open toed sandals, dress shoes and all the other piggie exposing footwear.
It’s this over-exposure to bare feet that drives me nuts. Let me put it this way. Think of a food you don’t like to eat. Something that others do but it’s just not something you want to chew on. Now, picture having to eat this food many times a day. You don’t like that food but you’re getting exposed to it every time you sit down to eat. That’s the same as me seeing so many people constantly flashing their feet throughout the summer.
I get it that when at the beach or local swimming pool like everyone else, I’m going to be seen in my Reef flip flops showing my bare dogs. That’s fine. But that’s the only place I want show off mine or see someone else’s exposed heels, insteps and toes. End of story.
Now here’s a great example of the needless over-exposure of shoe and sock free feet. Model Christie Brinkley and her two daughters Alexa and Sailor are featured in new ads for a blue jean company. There are several photos of them wearing the jeans with their shoes on. Then, we get this pic, all three women sporting the jeans and posing in bare feet. Why? It’s beyond contrived and silly.
One disturbing trend this year is the sale of false long toenails. Toenails! Not the long acrylic fingernails that women often wear. Why the hell would someone want to glue false nails on their toes to parade around in? Are they trying to emulate predatory birds that swoop down and catch prey with their talons? I have no words for how gross that looks. See for yourself in these pics.
Two summers ago, Quentin Tarantino’s “Once Upon A Time in Hollywood” was released. As much as I enjoyed that movie, the hippie women who followed Charles Manson were constantly shown in their dirty smelly bare feet. What a turn-off that was. Tarantino is a renowned foot fetish guy and those grotesque toe baring scenes were proof of that.
One ally I have in my foot phobia is WGN Morning News anchor Robin Baumgarten. Robin and I could have a ‘hate-off’ of bare feet and toes and it would probably come to a tie. The Morning News crew often notes Ms. Baumgarten’s feet fears and they’ve played a parody song I put together with my pal Al Flash. I took the old song “Barefootin” (gross, I know) and turned it into “Baumgarten” as we addressed her disgust with naked lower extremities. So, enjoy the tune, welcome the warm weather and for God’s sake, cover your feet! Oh, and Quentin Tarantino, get some professional help.
NEXT BLOG- Summer’s Comin.’