Baseball season is over (shortened as it was) but I’m hitting to all fields.
A silly thing happened a couple Fridays ago. I left my car unlocked but parked way in the back of the driveway. I usually keep it in the garage but neglected to do so this night. In the front seat I had a red Solo cup filled with about 10 bucks in coins, a case of bottled water and a jug of cat litter. The next morning my cup of coins was stolen and 2 bottles of Ice Mountain water were taken from the case of 24 packaging. Apparently, I had a thirsty thief rip me off. However, the crook didn’t own a cat.
Driving down Roosevelt road between Villa Park and Lombard I noticed within one mile there is not one, not two but three cigarette sales stores. One just has a big sign saying “Cigarettes”, then there’s one called “Cigarette Town” and my favorite is a brand new shiny green and white lighted place called “Dr. Smoke.” Dr. Smoke? Ugh and a hard pass!
That reminds me of my teen years when I heard about a Stone Park house of prostitution called “Smoker’s Health Club.” That was back when Manheim road in that town was loaded with strip clubs. One such place was a frequent stop for a University of Illinois big wig who got nailed for misappropriating school funds. He had a habit of tipping many a stripper there. Anytime my U of I attending buddy Willie and I would drive by, he would point to the strip club and proudly say, “That’s where my tuition money went!”
Speaking of men and women, I just fell into watching a hilarious show on TLC. Every Sunday night you must check out “I Love a Mama’s Boy.” It’s a reality show of men and women living together but they’re not yet married. The problem being these men put much more priority on their mothers than their fiancees. I can’t see any of these guys marrying because of their mom’s interference. And their women, all smart attractive ladies, are idiots for hanging in there. In the first episode I saw, one mother urged her son to buy his lover a new silk black robe to spice up his sex life; but then he bought his mom the VERY SAME ROBE! How gross and creepy can that be?
Now don’t get me wrong, my mother (RIP) and I were very close but she WANTED me to marry. Sorry, mom, haven’t met the right girl yet. We used to speak out similar lines to an old “Seinfeld Episode.”
Mom- “When are you gonna settle down and get married?”
Jerry- “I’m still looking.”
Mom- “How long are you gonna look?’
Jerry- “I’m going for the record!”
Finally, with the pandemic and Covid cases increasing at alarming rates, I realized many of us, myself included, are living like Charlton Heston in the classic 70’s movie “The Omega Man.” The world is in the grips of a deadly virus, many are dying and others are shutting down their lives to stay healthy, just like Heston’s character, Col. Robert Neville.
My life is literally staying home to watch TV, driving to school to teach and making a once a week trip to Jewel and the gas station. Outside of an occasional drive thru burger or home take-out delivery, THAT is my life. In his top floor penthouse Robert Neville had a brass bust of Julius Caesar to talk to, I have my cat “Trouble.” I also have my close friends on the phone and Facebook, but all of us are dealing with shrunken lives as we await a vaccine.
NEXT BLOG: Applebee’s, SNL, Mike, Brooke & Robin.