As crazy as it sounds, I’m a fan of the TLC reality series “Dr. Pimple Popper” starring Dr. Sandra Lee. There’s something fascinating about seeing pimples, lipomas, cysts and other growths squeezed and surgically removed from her patients. The human body is a wondrous miracle that happens to also be capable of producing really grotesque material that makes for wild TV. Full disclosure: In the past, I had a 4 inch lipoma removed from my abdomen and a benign marble sized cyst taken off the side of my head, but not from Dr. Lee.
Many of the pimple popper patients featured have let their growths expand to amazing sizes. One episode showed a man with a cyst on his arm that was the size of a 16 inch softball. Another guy had a benign but bulging golf ball-like tumor on the middle of his forehead. Cyclops had nothing on this ‘third eye.’ There’s also the poor woman who had a horn shaped cyst sprouting out of the top her of head. It is cringe worthy seeing custard like goo oozing out of these growths. I might never eat another cream filled doughnut again. You can even sometimes hear the squishing sounds of certain cysts getting squeezed out of their skin.
The one thing I don’t understand is WHY these patients let their bulging lumps get so big that their body parts become a freak show. Maybe they didn’t have the money or insurance to take care of these issues. However, the growth growers do receive what appears to be excellent care from Dr. Lee. Many of these epidermal abnormalities look like they were borne from another world. I wouldn’t be surprised to someday see Dr. Pimple Popper yank the creature from “Alien” out of someone’s body.
It can be a challenge to watch some of the scenes inside Dr. Lee’s exam room because they are not for the squeamish. Still, I take on that challenge each week and make it through without getting sick. Some people like to climb dangerous mountains, some ride scary roller coasters and hope to not throw up, I watch Dr. Pimple Popper and hope to keep my non-vomiting streak going. (If you’re keeping score, I haven’t thrown up since early February of 1991. )
However, I think I’ve met my limit with a new program now airing on A&E. It features an African American chiropodist who specializes in excising warts, ingrown toenails, fungus and other abnormalities from patient’s feet. Feet! Ugh! I cannot let myself even peek in on this program.
Anyone who knows me is aware that I have an aversion to bare feet, especially toes. No matter how well clipped, manicured and painted they might be, toes are the ugliest part of the human anatomy. Those goofs who claim to have ‘foot fetishes’ are in my opinion the most twisted weirdos on the face of the earth. Lord knows those ‘foot freaks will be tuned in to “The Toe Bro” as he clips, lances, burns off and surgically heals the ailments of men and women who want to get back to a normal life.
With ‘The Toe Bro’ (pardon the pun) following in the footsteps of Dr. Pimple Popper, I see the realm of reality medical shows may have no limits. So let’s examine a couple ideas from my sick mind for future doctor programs.
You could take a male physician with a stoner persona who does breast enlargements and call his show “The Boob Dude.” Or a female doctor who specializes in treating man’s erectile dysfunctions, call her “The Dick Chick” or “The Cock Doc.” My personal favorite idea? How about showing a female proctologist doing her job? Call her “The Ass Lass.”
I’m just spit-balling here. There’s probably a load more of specialists doctor shows just waiting to be produced. Until then, I’ll stick with “Dr. Pimple Popper” and make fast tracks away from “The Toe Bro.”
You may now proceed to the bathroom and throw up.