Some High School Shenanigans

THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM MY MEMOIR “RAISED ON THE RADIO” WHICH I HOPE TO RELEASE LATER THIS YEAR.

(York High School’s Official Crest) 

Going to York High school was when things started to take shape for me. I knew a lot about York since my sister Mary just graduated the semester before I began my time there. I made the yearbook staff as a writer and pitched for the York Dukes baseball team from sophomore year on. Bobbo Ciciora also made those teams which made that time on the ball field even better. I had several circles of friends to hang out with at York thanks to knowing people from grammar school, little league, house league hockey and other places. One P.E. teacher, Mr. Trayser who was my sophomore baseball coach, assessed my reputation this way:  He once told me he heard two guys talking about a third person. One student said, “You know the dude, he’s a friend of Mick Kahler’s. “ The other guy said, “Well EVERYONE’s a friend of Mick Kahler’s!”

Several times I joined some fellow athletes and dressed as female cheerleaders for charity basketball games at York. Once we even did a full dance routine choreographed by the York Pom Pom girls. Another game, the Chicago Bears came in to play the York faculty and we saw five foot ten star running back Walter Payton dunk a basketball. Then later in the game he did it again!

(This was our graduating class’ yearbook)

My senior statistics math class was taught by Mr. Aggen, who also coached baseball. Me and one of my teammates Bubba Mc Carthy would take up lots of time talking sports, so Mr. Aggen let us do a three minute sports update at the start of every class. I brought in a couple of paper hats from White Castle for us to wear and called it The White Castle Sports Gossip Update. We did it like a radio sportscast and after getting our yuks out, it was time for learning. At the end of the semester we had a White Castle party with my mom making a burger run and delivering bags of burgers to our class.

Friends and I gravitated towards the humor of the old “Honeymooner’s” reruns. The so called “Original thirty nine episodes” were the best. I knew the dialog of every episode by heart. We were also big watchers of Monty Python, Saturday Night Live in its beginning years and Second City TV which was goofier and more ‘out there’ than SNL.

There were stupid pranks too. One time my friend Willie C mooned the kids in the York High School courtyard from a 2nd story hallway window. A teacher spotted him in mid-moon so Willie yanked up his jeans and bolted out of the building. He escaped free and clear after the moon shot. One problem, schoolbooks with his name in them were left at the crime scene. Willie came home that day to learn his mom had been called by the school dean. This mooning incident happened near the end of school year and he was grounded for most of our summer break.

After college, Willie C learned another way of getting exposure called doing a “Shorty Ballwalker.” You go to the bathroom, open your zipper, move your penis to the side and hang your balls out of the opening of your pants. No twig out, just the berries. Then you walk back into the party, bar, wherever you may be and wait until someone notices. One post-college night when a bunch of us were drinking at The Beaumont, a Halsted street bar in Chicago, Willie came out of the bathroom to proudly announce, “Shorty Ballwalker is here.”   Looking down I saw his nut-sack propped out of his opened zipper for anyone to see, so I laughed my ass off! It was a crowded place but nobody else in the Beaumont noticed the presence of one Mr. Ballwalker.

(Shorty Ballwalker, is that you?)